The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma & Why You FEEL LOST In Life | Dr. Gabor Maté & Jay Shetty

The video is an interview with Dr. Gabor Maté by Jay Shetty discussing the root cause of trauma and why people feel lost in life.

The video features an interview between Jay Shetty and Dr. Gabor Maté, discussing the root cause of trauma and why people may feel lost in life. They discuss the importance of vulnerability for growth and the misunderstanding of trauma in society. Dr. Maté explains that trauma is a psychic wound that leaves an imprint on the nervous system, body, and psyche, and can show up in multiple ways that are not helpful later on. They also discuss Dr. Maté's new book, "The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture."

• The video introduces the guests and discusses the purpose of the video and the topics to be covered.
• Trauma is a psychic wound that leaves a scar and can show up in multiple ways that are not helpful later on.
• Childhood experiences are the root cause of trauma, and adverse childhood experiences can lead to addiction and other health issues.
• Healing from trauma requires connection, relationship, self-compassion, and self-awareness, and is a lifelong process.
• Trauma is the wound that is sustained as a result of an incidence and disconnects us from our true selves and emotions.
• Healing means wholeness and is a process that involves reconnecting with the self and emotions, understanding the root cause of the trauma, and finding meaning and purpose in life beyond the trauma.
• Vulnerability is essential for growth, and childhood trauma can cause us to shut down our vulnerability.
• Trauma can cause us to feel lost in life, and connecting with our true selves is essential for finding purpose and meaning in life.
• Compassion and self-acceptance are essential for healing from trauma and can help us connect with our true selves and find purpose in life.

The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma & Why You FEEL LOST In Life | Dr. Gabor Maté & Jay Shetty - YouTube

Introduction

• Introduction to the video and the guests
• Discussion of the purpose of the video and the topics to be covered

Defining Trauma

• Trauma is a psychic wound that leaves a scar
• It leaves an imprint in the nervous system, body, and psyche
• Trauma is not understood or recognized enough in the medical profession
• Difficult experiences are not the same as being traumatized
• Trauma can show up in multiple ways that are not helpful later on

The Root Cause of Trauma

• Childhood experiences are the root cause of trauma
• Early experiences shape the brain and nervous system
• Attachment and connection are essential for healthy development
• Adverse childhood experiences can lead to addiction and other health issues
• People with trauma often feel lost and disconnected

The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma & Why You FEEL LOST In Life | Dr. Gabor Maté & Jay Shetty - YouTube

Healing from Trauma

• Healing from trauma requires connection and relationship
• Self-compassion and self-awareness are essential for healing
• Healing is a lifelong process
• Healing from trauma can lead to personal growth and transformation
• There are many different approaches to healing from trauma

The Definition of Trauma

• Trauma is not the difficult incidence that happened to you.
• Trauma is the wound that is sustained as a result of the incidence.
• The wound can be healed at any time.
• The wound is what happened to people inside as a result of the incidence.
• The wound disconnects us from our true self and disconnects us from our emotions and even from our bodies.

The Definition of Healing

• Healing means wholeness.
• Healing is the coming together of the self to become a whole again.
• Healing is not the absence of a physical illness but the integrity of a person who's no longer split off on themselves.
• People can be cured from an illness without becoming whole without healing.
• Healing is a process that we want to happen now, today, or tomorrow.

The Relationship Between Time and Wounds

• Time does not automatically heal wounds.
• Wounds may lie dormant for a long time and then something occurs that touches it.
• When people are triggered, something touches the wound and they react like they're being tormented all over again for the first time.
• Time may make the wound less available to immediate memory, but it does not heal it spontaneously.
• Until people do some work to heal, the wound will show up in its full painful impact.

The Process of Healing Trauma

• Healing trauma involves reconnecting with the self and emotions.
• Healing trauma involves understanding the root cause of the trauma.
• Healing trauma involves processing the emotions and experiences related to the trauma.
• Healing trauma involves developing new coping mechanisms and ways of relating to oneself and others.
• Healing trauma involves finding meaning and purpose in life beyond the trauma.

The Importance of Vulnerability

• Vulnerability is essential for growth.
• Being vulnerable means being open to being wounded.
• As humans, we are vulnerable from conception until death.
• Childhood trauma can cause us to shut down our vulnerability.
• Letting go of childhood defenses is necessary for growth.

The Impact of Childhood on Trauma

• Mistreatment, abuse, and violence in childhood can cause trauma.
• Children have basic needs that must be met for healthy development.
• Evolutionary determined needs of humans must be considered.
• There used to be a belief that children were blank slates, but this is not true.
• Childhood experiences can impact our beliefs and behaviors as adults.

The Connection Between Trauma and Feeling Lost

• Trauma can cause us to feel lost in life.
• Feeling lost can be a result of not knowing who we truly are.
• Childhood trauma can cause us to develop false selves to protect ourselves.
• False selves can prevent us from connecting with our true selves.
• Connecting with our true selves is essential for finding purpose and meaning in life.

The Importance of Compassion and Self-Acceptance

• Compassion and self-acceptance are essential for healing from trauma.
• Self-acceptance means accepting all parts of ourselves, even the painful ones.
• Compassion means treating ourselves with kindness and understanding.
• Healing from trauma requires us to be gentle with ourselves.
• Self-compassion can help us connect with our true selves and find purpose in life.

The Four Essential Needs of Children

• Children are born with certain inherent expectations and needs.
• Children need unconditional love and acceptance from multiple adult caregivers.
• Children need the freedom to experience all emotions that nature has endowed them with.
• Children need free play, spontaneous, creative, and imaginative play for healthy brain development.
• Children can be wounded not just by bad things happening to them but by their needs not being met.

The Environmental Conditions that Undermine Child Development

• Environmental conditions in our society are inimical to healthy human development.
• Conditions for healthy development are less and less available to children.
• Parents love their kids and try to do their best, but the conditions under which parenting takes place in this society are not conducive to healthy development.
• The rate of childhood suicide is going up, and the number of kids being medicated with heavy-duty medications is increasing.
• Conditions for healthy development are undermined not because parents don't love their kids or are not trying to do their best, but because of the conditions under which parenting takes place in this society.

The Impact of Environmental Conditions on Mental Health

• More than 50 million Americans, over 20% of the US adult population, suffered an episode of mental illness in 2019.
• Rates of obesity, along with the multiple health risks it possesses, are going up in many countries, including Canada, Australia, and notably the United States.
• Millions of North American children and youths are being medicated with stimulants, antidepressants, and even antipsychotic drugs.
• The long-term effects of these medications on the developing brain are yet to be established.
• Environmental conditions in our society have significant implications for health later on.

The Real World vs. Natural Upbringing

• Children raised in a more natural way may struggle when they enter the conditioned world we currently have.
• Children raised in a more natural way may have to adapt to the demands of getting a job and working in the world.

How Trauma Survivors Would Function in Society

• Studies show that trauma survivors would not automatically buy into societal values of success and performance.
• They would hold themselves to their own standards and not judge themselves based on external values.
• They would have a sense of purpose that arises from being in touch with their true selves.
• They would struggle but do reasonably well in society.
• People who can be in society without buying into its values tend to be healthier and more emotionally grounded.

Personal Experience with Seeking Validation

• Jay Shetty shares his personal experience of seeking validation from external sources.
• He was raised with the pursuit of success as a big part of his culture.
• He chased validation from his family and community.
• He sought validation from monks, who taught him that the issue was seeking validation in the first place.
• After spending time in nature and unlearning habits, he felt like a new person with a different approach to navigating the world.

The Importance of Purpose and Being True to Yourself

• Having a sense of purpose is important to being in touch with your true self.
• People should focus on what they are naturally good at and what resonates with them.
• Success should not be based on external values, but on personal standards.
• People who are true to themselves tend to be healthier and more emotionally grounded.
• There is a difference between acknowledging trauma and neglect, and Molly coddling.

The Challenge of Healing from Trauma

• Many people have experienced trauma and unhealthy relationships with their parents.
• There is a challenge in finding a balance between acknowledging trauma and not Molly coddling.
• Healing from trauma involves being true to oneself and holding oneself to personal standards.
• It is important to have a sense of purpose and be in touch with one's true self.
• Unlearning habits and spending time in nature can help in the healing process.

Effects of Mollycoddling

• Brains are wired for extremes, so if we've seen being mistreated or neglected, we go the opposite way and try to make sure that the child experiences no pain.
• Mollycoddling has got nothing to do with the child; it has to do with the anxieties of the parents.
• The child is going to download the anxieties of their parents, so mollycoddled kids become very anxious, scared, and ungrounded in themselves.
• It's not possible to love kids too much.
• There's a difference between loving a child too much and projecting anxieties onto them.

Exposure to Pain

• There's no reason to deliberately expose children to pain because they're going to experience it anyway.
• The question is how do we support them when they're enduring the pain.
• Pain is inevitable, but it doesn't have to become traumatic.
• If the child is supported in experiencing the pain and moving past it, we don't have to impose or bring pain into their life to train them.
• The question is how are we to interact with them while they're enduring the pain.

Grief and Loss

• Grief and loss don't have to be the end of life; it can be everything.
• There's a brain circuit for panic and grief because life brings loss, and grief is essential for life.
• Grief is a natural response to loss, and it's not something that we can avoid.
• The key is to allow ourselves to feel the pain and move through it.
• We need to support ourselves and others through the grieving process.

Parenting and Trauma

• Parents who have experienced trauma may project their anxieties onto their children.
• It's important for parents to recognize their own traumas and work through them so that they don't pass them on to their children.
• Parents need to be present and attuned to their children's needs.
• Children need to feel seen, heard, and understood by their parents.
• Parents need to create a safe and secure environment for their children to grow and develop.

Validation of Emotions

• Children need to experience all emotions, including grief, when dealing with loss.
• Loss can be painful for children, regardless of how adults perceive it.
• Validating a child's emotions helps them accept the loss and move through it.
• Validating emotions helps children learn to endure difficult emotions without falling apart.
• There are no "shoulds" when it comes to delving into the past; it depends on the individual and whether it is helpful or not.

Dealing with the Present

• The impact of trauma can cause wounds from the past to show up in the present.
• Dealing with the emotions that arise in the present moment is more helpful than dwelling on the past.
• It's about the choices we have now and what's available to us in the present moment.
• Identifying with the victim or survivor role can prevent moving forward.
• Who we are is much greater than any particular experience or suffering.

Inner Child and Trauma

• The idea of an inner child with wounds or trauma is becoming more widespread.
• There is a difference between analyzing and over-analyzing or thinking and overthinking experiences.
• It's not about delving into the past but dealing with how the past shows up in the present.
• The past can dominate present reactions, which is called the tyranny of the past.
• Thinking about the past is not as helpful as dealing with the emotions that arise in the present moment.

Validation and Intrusiveness

• Validation is important in helping individuals accept and move through difficult emotions.
• There are no "shoulds" when it comes to delving into the past.
• Identifying with the victim or survivor role can prevent moving forward.
• There is a difference between validation and intrusiveness.
• Validation helps individuals feel heard and understood, while intrusiveness can be harmful.

Identification and Authenticity

• Identification comes from a Latin word meaning "the same" and "to make".
• Identifying with a role or experience can limit oneself.
• There is no healthy identification because it limits one's perspective.
• Belonging is a human need, but it can lead to suffering when over-identified.
• Authenticity and attachment can coexist, but over-identification brings suffering.

The Danger of Over-Identification

• Over-identification can lead to suffering, as seen in sports fans who riot after their team loses.
• Identification with a nation or group can limit one's independent existence.
• Over-identification with a past self can make it difficult to let go and move on.
• Identification with outer coverings, such as robes or job titles, can limit one's sense of self.
• Authenticity is more important than identification with external factors.

Watch the video on YouTube:
The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma & Why You FEEL LOST In Life | Dr. Gabor Maté & Jay Shetty - YouTube