The 3 SIGNS You're Dealing With A Narcissist & How To SET BOUNDARIES! | Dr. Ramani & Jay Shetty

Last updated: Jun 1, 2023

The video is about identifying the signs of dealing with a narcissist and setting boundaries, featuring a conversation between Dr. Ramani and Jay Shetty.

The video is a conversation between Jay Shetty and Dr. Ramani about narcissism and how to set boundaries when dealing with a narcissist. Dr. Ramani explains the three signs of dealing with a narcissist, which are gaslighting, lack of empathy, and grandiosity. She also discusses the importance of setting boundaries and how to do so effectively. The conversation delves into Dr. Ramani's background and how she became an expert on narcissism, as well as her upcoming podcast on the topic.

  • The video is about identifying the signs of dealing with a narcissist and setting boundaries.
  • Gaslighting is a denial of a person's reality.
  • Dr. Ramani is a licensed clinical psychologist in LA.
  • Dr. Ramani's study of narcissism began in 2003-2004 in a research capacity.
  • Two former students suggested Dr. Ramani start a YouTube channel.
  • The word narcissism in this context only started appearing in literature in the late 1800s/early 1900s.
  • The three signs of dealing with a narcissist are lack of empathy, arrogance and control, and the need to be the hero.
  • Setting boundaries with a narcissist is about protecting yourself, being clear and direct, and not engaging in arguments or trying to change them.
  • Narcissistic personality disorder is a whole different game and requires a laundry list of symptoms and subjective distress or social and occupational impairment for diagnosis.

The 3 SIGNS You're Dealing With A Narcissist & How To SET BOUNDARIES! | Dr. Ramani & Jay Shetty - YouTube

The 3 SIGNS You

Introduction

  • The video is about identifying the signs of dealing with a narcissist and setting boundaries.
  • The conversation is between Dr. Ramani and Jay Shetty.
The 3 SIGNS You

Gaslighting

  • Gaslighting is a denial of a person's reality.
  • Step one of gaslighting is denying that something happened.
  • Step two of gaslighting is manipulating a person's reality.
The 3 SIGNS You

Dr. Ramani's Background

  • Dr. Ramani is a licensed clinical psychologist in LA.
  • She is a professor at California State University LA.
  • Dr. Ramani is the founder and CEO of Luna Education Training and Consulting.
  • She is the author of several books, including "Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist."
  • Dr. Ramani is launching a new podcast called "Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani."
The 3 SIGNS You

The 3 SIGNS You're Dealing With A Narcissist & How To SET BOUNDARIES! | Dr. Ramani & Jay Shetty - YouTube

Dr. Ramani's Study of Narcissism

  • Dr. Ramani's study of narcissism began in 2003-2004 in a research capacity.
  • She was studying the toll that demanding, entitled patients were taking on healthcare settings.
  • Dr. Ramani also had a clinical practice where she saw more and more people with the same relationship story.
  • She realized how little had been researched in the area of narcissism in healthcare situations.
  • Dr. Ramani's first book on narcissism, "Should I Stay or Should I Go," came from sessions with clients who were overwhelmed.
The 3 SIGNS You

Background and Evolution of YouTube Channel

  • Two former students suggested Dr. Ramani start a YouTube channel
  • Dr. Ramani was initially hesitant but eventually started the channel
  • Realized mental health was not recognizing narcissistic relationships
  • Got angry and decided to focus on helping people who have been through these relationships
  • Received criticism and backlash but continued with the mission
The 3 SIGNS You

The Rise of Narcissism and Why It's Only Now Being Talked About

  • The word narcissism in this context only started appearing in literature in the late 1800s/early 1900s
  • It was a quiet backwater in the world of mental health and psychology
  • Narcissistic personality disorder was only recognized in 1980
  • Robert Sapolsky's book "Behave" discusses the evolution of human history and how it relates to narcissism
  • Narcissism is associated with aggression and violence
The 3 SIGNS You

The Three Signs of Dealing with a Narcissist

  • They lack empathy
  • They are arrogant and controlling
  • They have to be the hero
The 3 SIGNS You

How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist

  • Understand that setting boundaries is not about changing the narcissist
  • Set boundaries for yourself and your own well-being
  • Be clear and direct in your communication
  • Be prepared for pushback and stick to your boundaries
  • Don't engage in arguments or try to convince the narcissist to see your point of view
The 3 SIGNS You

The Evolution of Narcissism and Abuse

  • Psychology is a relatively new field, and it's only in the last 15 years that we've started paying attention to the harm narcissism does to others in a relationship.
  • People who suffered from narcissistic abuse in the past often blamed themselves because they didn't have a name for it.
  • Historically, we didn't start talking about domestic violence until the late 60s and 70s.
  • Emotional abuse is still not accorded the same level as physical abuse, but emotionally abused people show up with the same level of symptomatology.
  • The field of mental health is still slow to catch up.
The 3 SIGNS You

Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  • Narcissism is a personality style that can be maladaptive because it often puts the person at odds with others.
  • Narcissistic personality disorder is a whole different game.
  • In order for a person to be diagnosed with a mental illness, they have to have a laundry list of symptoms and show subjective distress or social and occupational impairment.
  • Many people who are narcissistic don't have awareness and discomfort, and they're sitting on top of the world.
  • You cannot diagnose someone because someone else is unhappy with them.
The 3 SIGNS You

The Three Signs of Dealing with a Narcissist

  • The first sign is that they have an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement.
  • The second sign is that they lack empathy and are unable to put themselves in other people's shoes.
  • The third sign is that they have a pattern of exploiting and manipulating others for their own gain.
  • These three signs are the hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder.
  • It's important to note that not everyone who has these traits is a narcissist, but if they have all three, it's a red flag.
The 3 SIGNS You

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

  • It's important to set boundaries with a narcissist because they will continue to exploit and manipulate you if you don't.
  • Boundaries are not about changing the narcissist; they're about protecting yourself.
  • Be clear and concise when setting boundaries, and don't engage in arguments or debates.
  • Expect pushback and resistance, but stay firm in your boundaries.
  • Don't take their behavior personally, and don't try to change them.
The 3 SIGNS You

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  • Antagonistic disorders like narcissistic personality disorder are rare in therapy.
  • People with narcissistic personalities rarely seek help for their personality traits.
  • They may seek therapy for other reasons like depression, anxiety, or substance use disorder.
  • Therapists may focus on the acute issue and not address the personality disorder.
  • Personality is like a psychological fingerprint and is always right under the surface.
The 3 SIGNS You

Disagreeable Personalities of Narcissists

  • Personalities set who we are, and we cannot change our core personality traits.
  • People with narcissistic personalities have very disagreeable and antagonistic personalities.
  • Narcissism is not a one-off behavior but a consistent pattern of behavior.
  • People often use narcissism as a buzzword to label someone who did something that aggravated them.
  • Bad behavior during a bad week is not necessarily narcissism.
The 3 SIGNS You

How People Develop Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  • There is no clear understanding of how people develop narcissistic personality disorder.
  • It may be a combination of genetic, environmental, and cultural factors.
  • Childhood experiences like neglect, abuse, or overindulgence may contribute to the development of narcissistic personality disorder.
  • People with narcissistic personality disorder may have experienced trauma or rejection in childhood.
  • They may have learned to cope with their pain by developing a grandiose sense of self.
The 3 SIGNS You

Setting Boundaries with Narcissists

  • Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with narcissists.
  • Narcissists lack empathy and may not respect other people's boundaries.
  • Boundaries should be clear, firm, and consistent.
  • It is essential to communicate boundaries calmly and assertively.
  • Boundaries may include limiting contact, refusing to engage in arguments, and avoiding topics that trigger the narcissist.
The 3 SIGNS You

Temperament and Attachment

  • Temperament is a genetic piece of personality.
  • Temperament forms a seed that is foundational to our personalities.
  • Some babies are easy and content, while others are difficult and need attention.
  • Difficult children may have more invalidating experiences, which can lead to narcissism.
  • Narcissism also has an attachment piece to it, with people of narcissistic personalities often having more anxious or avoidant attachment styles.
  • Early environment, such as chaos in the family or trauma, may impact attachment experiences and lead to narcissism.
The 3 SIGNS You

Overindulged Pathway to Narcissism

  • Overindulged pathway is one of the multiple roads leading to narcissism.
  • Parents who give their children anything and tell them they are more special than other kids may lead to narcissism.
  • Narcissistic parents may beget narcissistic kids, but not as a rule.
  • Not all overindulged pathways end up in narcissism.
  • Temperament may play a bigger role in leading to narcissism than we think.
  • Dr. Ramani has worked with many narcissistic clients and has seen all of these pathways.
The 3 SIGNS You

Signs of Dealing with a Narcissist

  • Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance.
  • Narcissists have a sense of entitlement and believe they deserve special treatment.
  • Narcissists lack empathy and cannot put themselves in other people's shoes.
  • Narcissists have a need for admiration and attention.
  • Narcissists have a tendency to exploit others for their own gain.
  • Narcissists have a fragile self-esteem and can become defensive or aggressive when criticized.
The 3 SIGNS You

Setting Boundaries with Narcissists

  • Setting boundaries is important when dealing with narcissists.
  • Boundaries should be clear, firm, and consistent.
  • Boundaries should be communicated calmly and without emotion.
  • Boundaries should be enforced with consequences.
  • Boundaries may not change the narcissist's behavior, but they can protect you from their toxic behavior.
  • It is important to prioritize your own well-being and not sacrifice it for the sake of the narcissist.
The 3 SIGNS You

Signs of Narcissism in Relationships

  • Narcissism can have different origins, resulting in different behaviors in adulthood.
  • People may not realize they are with a narcissistic person until after they leave.
  • Early signs of narcissism may seem positive or attractive, such as ambition and confidence.
  • Narcissistic people can be charming, charismatic, and fun-loving, making it hard to spot the bad days.
  • Good days in the relationship can keep people hooked, even if the bad days are really bad.
The 3 SIGNS You

Recognizing Narcissism in Relationships

  • It can take a couple of years to recognize the red flags of narcissism in a relationship.
  • People may be deep into the relationship by the time they see enough pixels to make a picture.
  • Cognitive dissonance can kick in, and people may tell themselves stories to sustain the relationship.
  • People may feel pressure to find a relationship at a pressured time of life, making it harder to spot narcissism.
  • Even in a family, people may not realize they are dealing with a narcissistic person until later.
The 3 SIGNS You

Setting Boundaries with Narcissistic People

  • Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with a narcissistic person.
  • Narcissistic people may not respect boundaries, so it is crucial to be firm and consistent.
  • Boundaries should be clear, specific, and communicated calmly and assertively.
  • It is essential to stick to the boundaries and not give in to manipulation or guilt-tripping.
  • It is also crucial to take care of oneself and seek support from others when dealing with a narcissistic person.
The 3 SIGNS You

Getting Help for Narcissistic Relationships

  • Getting help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial when dealing with a narcissistic person.
  • Therapy can help people recognize and address their own patterns and behaviors in the relationship.
  • Therapy can also help people set boundaries, communicate assertively, and take care of themselves.
  • Support groups and online communities can also provide helpful resources and validation for people dealing with narcissistic relationships.
  • Ultimately, it is essential to prioritize one's own well-being and safety when dealing with a narcissistic person.
The 3 SIGNS You

Signs of Dealing with a Narcissist

  • Red flags are always a story that can be told retrospectively.
  • Love bombing lasts anywhere from six weeks to a year.
  • Narcissistic folks get incredibly sensitive to criticism.
  • Survivors in these relationships take it upon themselves to try to change everything about themselves.
  • Narcissism is resistant to change.
The 3 SIGNS You

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

  • Boundaries are not about changing the other person, but about changing your own behavior.
  • Boundaries are about what you will and will not tolerate.
  • Boundaries are not about punishment, but about self-care.
  • Boundaries are not about being mean, but about being clear.
  • Boundaries are not about being rigid, but about being flexible.
The 3 SIGNS You

How to Communicate with a Narcissist

  • Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements.
  • Be clear and concise in your communication.
  • Don't expect the narcissist to understand or empathize with your feelings.
  • Don't engage in arguments or try to convince the narcissist of your point of view.
  • Don't take the narcissist's behavior personally.
The 3 SIGNS You

How to Heal from a Narcissistic Relationship

  • Recognize that healing is a process and it takes time.
  • Seek support from a therapist or support group.
  • Practice self-care and self-compassion.
  • Set boundaries and stick to them.
  • Focus on your own growth and healing, not on changing the narcissist.
The 3 SIGNS You

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The 3 SIGNS You're Dealing With A Narcissist & How To SET BOUNDARIES! | Dr. Ramani & Jay Shetty - YouTube

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