Jay Shetty: 8 Rules For Perfect Love & Amazing Sex! | E217

The video is an interview with former monk Jay Shetty, discussing his 8 rules for perfect love and amazing sex, as well as his personal reflections on growth and renewal.

The video features an interview with former monk Jay Shetty, who shares his eight rules for perfect love and amazing sex. He emphasizes the importance of making four important decisions in life, including prioritizing intimacy and connection in relationships. Shetty also discusses his personal journey of reflection and reassessment, and encourages viewers to hit the subscribe button to support the podcast and its guests.

• There are four important decisions in life that can make everything work, including sex and intimacy.
• Jay Shetty reflects on his personal growth and renewal journey and the importance of self-love and self-care.
• He shares 8 rules for perfect love and amazing sex, including being present, communicating openly, and practicing self-love.
• He left Facebook because the format was becoming performative and he wanted to focus on long-form content like podcasts and books.
• People lose the love of something they once loved when it becomes performative or when motivations become extrinsic.
• Doing something that gives you joy and makes you happy is a part of the definition of success for Jay Shetty.
• Four-minute videos can give motivation and inspiration, but they can't help you build a habit or practically change your life.
• He is more interested in habit change and transformation than in ideas and information.
• He wants to give people quality and help them build habits and transform their being.

Jay Shetty: 8 Rules For Perfect Love & Amazing Sex! | E217 - YouTube

Section 1: Four Important Decisions in Life

• Most people only watch TV with their partners, but there are four important decisions in life that can make everything work.
• The first decision is about sex, and the truth is that most people are not getting any.
• Great sex is a byproduct of great connection and intimacy, not a replacement for it.
• If a relationship is not growing, it's actually falling apart slowly, and the only thing that makes you feel close to someone is vulnerability.

Section 2: Reflections on Growth and Renewal

• Jay Shetty has struggled with feeling like people want him to fail and feeling sick before interviews.
• He is grateful for the opportunity to live out his dream and learn from incredible guests on his podcast.
• He asks viewers to hit the subscribe button to help the channel and fuel future episodes.

Section 3: How Are You?

• Stephen asks Jay how he is doing, and Jay reflects on being in an evolutionary stage in his journey.
• He is reassessing where he wants to be, what he wants to do, and how he wants to give his energy.
• He feels like he did a lot of growing and poured it all out, and now he's ready to grow again and pour that out again.
• He is in a regeneration stage and needs to refill his cup and rediscover what excites him and drives him.

Jay Shetty: 8 Rules For Perfect Love & Amazing Sex! | E217 - YouTube

Section 4: Personal Reflections on Growth and Renewal

• Jay Shetty reflects on his personal growth and renewal journey.
• He feels like he's back to where he started and is ready to grow again.
• He pushed himself to limits he never thought he could when it came to work productivity, efficiency, effectiveness, and impact.
• He wants to renew and reinvest in himself and grow again.
• He needs to go and refill his cup and rediscover what excites him and drives him to that level that brought him to where he is today.

Personal Reflections on Growth and Renewal

• Feeling a sense of accomplishment, arrival, satisfaction, hunger, and search for clarity.
• Short-term goals are clear, but the north star is less clear.
• Coming from a point of what needs to be done right now, not what has to be done.
• Not wasting time and effort on things that don't excite or move you.
• Knowing how to do something well but not wanting to repeat a cycle that doesn't fuel your soul.

Breaking the Cycle

• Learning how to create value for people in a certain way.
• Getting lost in the cycle of delivering because it delivers.
• Raw desire to serve, abundant creativity, genuinely listening, and compassionately giving.
• Not coming from a place of patterns, algorithms, studying, and research.
• Knowing when to quit and breaking the cycle.

8 Rules for Perfect Love and Amazing Sex

• Rule 1: Be present and attentive.
• Rule 2: Communicate openly and honestly.
• Rule 3: Prioritize pleasure for both partners.
• Rule 4: Embrace vulnerability and trust.
• Rule 5: Explore and experiment together.
• Rule 6: Practice self-love and self-care.
• Rule 7: Continuously learn and grow together.
• Rule 8: Celebrate and appreciate each other.

The Importance of Self-Love and Self-Care

• Self-love and self-care are essential for a healthy relationship.
• Self-love means accepting and loving yourself for who you are.
• Self-care means taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
• Self-love and self-care allow you to show up as your best self in a relationship.
• Self-love and self-care also allow you to set boundaries and communicate your needs effectively.

Reasons for Leaving Facebook

• The format of creating sketch-like videos with actors and scenarios no longer fueled Jay Shetty.
• The format was owning him and he didn't want to be known for it anymore.
• Performance is what drains us and the four-minute videos were becoming performative.
• He wanted to dive into building a podcast and writing a book because he wanted long-form and quality.
• He was more interested in habit change and transformation than in ideas and information.

Why People Lose the Love of Something They Once Loved

• When something is new, it's attractive and people fall in love with it.
• As it gets old, people only keep doing it because there's some part of it that becomes performative.
• Performance is what drains us because it's a false acting version of the same thing.
• When people get paid to do something they love, they lose the love of it when the motivations become extrinsic.
• The definition of success for Jay Shetty is doing something that gives him joy and makes him happy, that as a byproduct gives other people joy and makes them happy.

The Importance of Doing Something That Gives You Joy

• Doing something that gives you joy and makes you happy is a part of the definition of success for Jay Shetty.
• Diminishing returns can come from doing something that no longer gives you joy.
• Too many people have gotten caught in the cycle of doing something for validation and attention.
• It's important to redefine what you do every two years.
• Doing something that gives you joy and makes you happy can also give other people joy and make them happy.

The Limitations of Four-Minute Videos

• Four-minute videos can give motivation and inspiration, but they can't help you build a habit or practically change your life.
• A program, book, or podcast that people listen to religiously and build a habit can rewire parts of themselves and transform their being.
• The four-minute videos were a great window into all of the wisdom that Jay Shetty had learned and all the studying he did as a monk, but he couldn't give that to people in a way that they could practice it.
• He wanted to give people quality and help them build habits and transform their being.
• He was more interested in habit change and transformation than in ideas and information.

Personal Reflections on Growth and Renewal

• Jay Shetty talks about his fascination with love and why he decided to write a book about it.
• He trusts his intuition and wants everything he does to be an extension of his heart.
• He believes in taking risks and continuing to do so to create joy, happiness, abundance, and success.
• Jay struggles with accepting that he can't always be as scrappy as he was in the beginning and needs to think about more people and their impact.
• He finds himself constantly going back and forth between wanting to be scrappy and realizing that things have more impact and influence now.

The Challenges of Being a Target

• Jay talks about how being successful and having a large audience makes him more vulnerable to criticism and being a target.
• He is aware of the vulnerability and cannot ignore it.
• He struggles with finding the balance between operating from a place of ignorance versus awareness and proactivity.
• He talks about his biggest fear as it relates to being a target and how he has seen similar things in his life.
• He mentions becoming a dragon on Dragons and how it made him a press target.

8 Rules for Perfect Love and Amazing Sex

• Jay Shetty shares his 8 rules for perfect love and amazing sex.
• He talks about the importance of communication, trust, and vulnerability in a relationship.
• He emphasizes the need for self-love and self-care before being able to love someone else.
• He talks about the importance of being present and mindful in the moment.
• He encourages couples to explore and experiment with each other to keep the spark alive.

The Importance of Personal Growth and Development

• Jay Shetty talks about the importance of personal growth and development.
• He believes that everyone should have a growth mindset and be open to learning and improving themselves.
• He talks about the importance of self-reflection and self-awareness in personal growth.
• He encourages people to step out of their comfort zones and try new things to grow and develop.
• He emphasizes the need for patience and persistence in personal growth and development.

Personal Growth and Transformation

• Jay Shetty reflects on how his life has changed in the past 13 years, including his time as a monk and his current life as a businessman, marketer, and mindfulness coach.
• He talks about accepting his complexity and interests, and how it took time for him to embrace all of his passions.
• He acknowledges that some people may feel that he should only be a monk, but he believes that he can be all of the things he is and still be true to himself.
• Jay Shetty talks about feeling like a target and receiving critical feedback, which led to a period of anxiety and depression.
• He reflects on the constant comparison between his life as a monk and his current success as a businessman and marketer.

Dealing with Criticism

• Jay Shetty talks about how he dealt with the criticism he received and how it affected him.
• He shares that he had to be alone for a week to make sense of how he felt about himself.
• He acknowledges that the criticism wasn't specific, but rather a feeling that he was being targeted.
• Jay Shetty reflects on how he still stands by his book, Think Like a Monk, and the message behind it.
• He talks about the constant comparison between his life as a monk and his success as a businessman and marketer, and how it affected him.

The Importance of Self-Acceptance

• Jay Shetty talks about the importance of self-acceptance and embracing all of your passions and interests.
• He shares that it took him time to accept all of his complexity and interests, but he believes that it's important to do so.
• Jay Shetty acknowledges that some people may feel that he should only be a monk, but he believes that he can be all of the things he is and still be true to himself.
• He talks about the journey of accepting all of his passions and interests, and how it's a process that takes time.
• Jay Shetty reflects on how he sees himself as much as a monk as he does as a manager, marketer, and mindfulness coach.

The Power of Mindset and Practice

• Jay Shetty talks about the power of mindset and practice, and how it can help you adopt the same practices and mindsets as monks in your daily life.
• He shares that the reason he wrote his book, Think Like a Monk, was to help people learn to think like a monk without having to live like one.
• Jay Shetty reflects on how he took the mindsets and practices he learned as a monk with him into his current life as a businessman, marketer, and mindfulness coach.
• He talks about the importance of adopting a growth mindset and practicing mindfulness in your daily life.
• Jay Shetty shares that he believes that anyone can adopt the same mindsets and practices as monks, regardless of their background or beliefs.

Jay Shetty's Reflections on Growth and Renewal

• People want to find an angle on him constantly because they don't want to accept that someone who is trying to be good at heart is doing good in the work and winning is okay.
• He always believed that people would feel his genuineness and respect that.
• He doesn't like meeting people thinking they want him to fail and he closes off to that because it's defense.
• He spent seven days doing all the work to process and bring him into a good man.
• He spent the first day reading everything that was making him feel that way.
• He embodied some of the ideas and was like maybe he is not fully genuine.

Processing Criticism

• Day three and four were the hardest because he started to believe some of the criticism.
• He was taking someone else's words to be his worth and taking someone's writing to be who he is.
• He was processing if he really agrees with that and what part of that is him.
• He never wanted to be someone who doesn't take something as feedback.
• He felt physically sick and wanted to throw up when he woke up.
• He had to work through that feeling over the next couple of hours and then get over that.

Seven Days of Reflection

• The seven days weren't mapped out in being seven days like it wasn't like he's going to take seven days and this is the program he's going to go on.
• He spent the first day reading everything that was making him feel that way.
• He embodied some of the ideas and was like maybe he is not fully genuine.
• Day three and four were the hardest because he started to believe some of the criticism.
• He felt physically sick and wanted to throw up when he woke up.
• He had to work through that feeling over the next couple of hours and then get over that.

Defensive Mechanisms

• People want to find an angle on him constantly because they don't want to accept that someone who is trying to be good at heart is doing good in the work and winning is okay.
• He doesn't like meeting people thinking they want him to fail and he closes off to that because it's defense.
• He spent seven days doing all the work to process and bring him into a good man.
• He never wanted to be someone who doesn't take something as feedback.
• He felt physically sick and wanted to throw up when he woke up.
• He had to work through that feeling over the next couple of hours and then get over that.

Reflection on Feedback and Compassion

• Reflecting on feedback, shots fired, and personal beliefs about oneself
• Developing compassion and perspective on why people feel the need to criticize
• Challenging to make sense of criticism and understand its source
• Looking at one's own imperfections, jealousy, and envy to understand criticism
• Recognizing that everyone has imperfections and bad days

External Changes and Explaining Intentions

• Feedback that external changes have occurred quickly
• Recognizing the need to explain intentions more and give context
• Not just doing the work, but also explaining it
• Monk piece and scale contribute to criticism and paradox
• Living the paradox and experiencing self-guilt and transformation

Misunderstood Monk Teachings

• Realizing that monk teachings hold true but are misunderstood
• Similar to the misconception that money doesn't buy happiness
• Monk philosophy can be applied to modern life
• Need to rewire deeper relationships with every aspect of life
• Recognizing the importance of compassion and perspective

Monk's Perception of Money

• Monks believe that everything in the world is simply energy and can be used for something higher or abused.
• Monks don't have money, but that doesn't mean it's bad.
• Anything can be used for good or for worse.
• Money can be used to do beautiful things, like organizing a fundraiser for COVID-19 in India.
• Resources are necessary to pull off something powerful and big.

Building Yourself Before Helping Others

• You can't pour out for others that which you don't have in your own bottle.
• Impactful work requires a full bottle of resources, skills, knowledge, network, and reputation.
• Donations and charity work wouldn't have been possible if the bottle wasn't full.
• Confronting your ugly side is uncomfortable but necessary for growth.
• Being highly self-reflective and open to feedback is important, but don't get into the harsh self-criticism.

Feeding the Good Dog Inside

• Everyone is capable of anything, good or bad.
• Feeding the good dog inside is a daily habit for Jay Shetty.
• He doesn't associate deeply with his ugly side because he focuses on feeding the good dog.
• Practicing mindfulness and meditation helps to feed the good dog.
• It's important to acknowledge and accept the ugly side, but not to dwell on it.

Love and Sex Rules

• Rule 1: Love is not just a feeling, it's a choice and an action.
• Rule 2: Love is not just about finding the right person, it's about becoming the right person.
• Rule 3: Communication is key in a relationship.
• Rule 4: Love is not just about giving, it's also about receiving.
• Rule 5: Sex is not just about physical pleasure, it's about emotional connection.
• Rule 6: Sex is not just about performance, it's about presence.

Reflection on Growth and Renewal

• Maya is the Sanskrit word for illusion and ignorance that leads to the dark side.
• Feeling unaffected by Maya means being in Maya.
• It's not possible to be humble and feel egoless at the same time.
• Grapple with the dark side on a daily basis and relish the battle.
• Accepting that there is both good and bad inside of us is a battle we have to have every day.

Planting a Seed and Tending to It

• Planting a seed means weeds will grow around it every day.
• Weeds often look perfect and can be mistaken for the plant.
• Water the seed and pluck the weeds every day.
• Every day, sit with yourself in meditation and try to pluck out the weeds.
• Some weeds have been around for years and require ripping, gripping, destroying, and uprooting.

The Battle is Never Won or Lost

• Relishing the battle means accepting that there will always be a battle.
• As soon as you think you've won the battle, that's when you're most likely to lose.
• Putting your guard down to your own envy, comparison, and ego is unhealthy.
• Some people let their guard down to these things and that's when they do crazy things.
• Every day, sit with yourself in meditation and try to pluck out the weeds.

The Weed of Believing Your Way is the Right Way

• The weed of believing your way is the right way is a common one.
• It's the belief that your perspective, opinion, priorities, and values should be everyone's.
• It's the belief that everyone should align with you because of that.
• Monitor this weed regularly and try to pluck it out.
• It's important to recognize that everyone has their own perspective, opinion, priorities, and values.

Respecting Different Priorities

• Partners may have different priorities in life.
• For example, one partner may prioritize physical health and meditation while the other prioritizes work and productivity.
• It's important to recognize and respect these differences.
• Don't prioritize your own values over your partner's.
• Self-worth is based on different things for different people.

Flowing at Different Paces

• Partners may also flow at different paces in life.
• One partner may move slowly and steadily while the other is more ambitious and driven.
• It's important not to exert your own pace on your partner.
• A coach never dictates the pace of the student.
• Opening up conversations about goals and intentions can be helpful.

Being a Coach in Your Partnership

• Try to embody being a coach in your partnership.
• Allow each other's good qualities to rub off on each other.
• Don't make it an ego thing by comparing achievements or goals.
• Coaching can be done as a friend, not just meticulously.
• Partners can coach each other in finding drive, passion, and purpose.

Your Partner is Your Guru

• A guru, like a coach, never dictates the pace of the student.
• Partners can learn from each other and grow together.
• Don't pressure your partner to follow your goals or ambitions.
• Open up conversations about goals and intentions as a way to support each other.
• Allow each other to be on their own journey and timeline.

Importance of Taking Care of Your Body

• Former monk Jay Shetty didn't prioritize taking care of his body until he met his wife.
• His wife inspired him to work out regularly and eat more healthily.
• She educated and enlightened him about changing his habits.
• Setting an example is more effective than calling someone out for being unhealthy.
• Working hard and being a wonderful human being inspires people more than just working hard.

Sponsorship Messages

• The podcast is sponsored by Intel V Pro, which allows for remote management, repair, and protection of devices across an entire organization.
• Intel V Pro provides peace of mind for employees who work remotely.
• The podcast is also sponsored by Huel, a product that has helped Jay Shetty stay nutritionally complete and productive during his busiest days.
• Huel has been a sponsor of the podcast since its launch.
• When the podcast hit the million milestone on YouTube, Jay Shetty sent the founder of Huel a message of gratitude for believing in the show before it even launched.

Approaching a Partner's Physical Appearance

• If a partner is no longer attractive due to not taking care of themselves, Jay Shetty would approach the situation with compassion.
• He would ask if the person is happy with where they are and the direction they are moving in.
• Understanding the person's journey to that point is important in understanding where they are going.
• If the person is happy with where they are, Jay Shetty would ask how long they plan to stay in that position.
• If the person is not happy with where they are, Jay Shetty would explore the conversation further to understand why and how to help.

Understanding a Partner's Situation

• It's important to understand a partner's situation before making any judgments or assumptions.
• Patterns of behavior should be observed over a period of time before making any decisions.
• Quick judgments can lead to guilt and shame for the person.
• Exploring the conversation further can help understand the person's deeper issues and how to help.
• It's important to approach the situation with compassion and understanding.

Signs that someone may not be right for you

• If someone is going on a downward spiral and not opening up to anyone
• If you see no sign of them feeling they're doing anything wrong
• Consider how long this has lasted and who they are honest and open with
• If you're not attracted to someone, you're well within your rights to move on
• Physical attraction isn't the only value, but if it's not your number one value, express how you feel

Going from intolerable to understanding in a relationship

• If you find something intolerable, the next step is understanding why they're there
• It takes time to understand someone's reasoning
• Ask open and broad questions to understand where they're at
• Share your own feelings and communicate your disconnect with their choices and values
• It's not just about physical attraction, but also about their values and choices

Communicating emotional disconnect in a relationship

• Ask if the relationship is going in the direction they want it to go in
• If it's not, ask what they need and what they're willing to do
• Share your own feelings and check if your emotional instinct is real
• Communicate your disconnect with their choices and values
• It's not just about physical attraction, but also about their values and choices

Dealing with addiction in a relationship

• If someone doesn't see a problem with their addiction, it may not be right for you
• It's important to understand why they're addicted and what their reasoning is
• It takes time to go from intolerable to understanding in this situation
• Communication is key in addressing addiction in a relationship
• It's not just about physical attraction, but also about their values and choices

Importance of Communication and Empathy

• The issue in a relationship is often a lack of transparency, honesty, and emotional connection, not the symptom of the problem.
• Empathy is key to communicating at the root of the issue.
• Partners should communicate their projections and feelings without attacking or criticizing the other person.
• Partners should not withhold information or hide their true feelings from each other.
• Partners should strive to be a voice for each other when they cannot find their own voice.

Going to the Root of the Issue

• Going to the root of the issue means going deeper and not just going around the problem.
• Partners should try to understand each other's values and respect them, rather than trying to change them.
• Partners should not force each other to do things they do not enjoy or value.
• Partners should give each other the opportunity to feel heard and understood.
• Partners should not try to change each other, but rather accept and love them for who they are.

Watch the video on YouTube:
Jay Shetty: 8 Rules For Perfect Love & Amazing Sex! | E217 - YouTube