The KEY SIGNS That Relationship Won't Last & How To ACTUALLY Find Love! | Esther Perel

The video is about the key signs that a relationship won't last and how to find love, with Esther Perel discussing various factors that can lead to the downfall of a relationship, including complacency, lack of communication, distrust, contempt, violence, and money issues.

The video features an interview with Esther Perel, a relationship expert, who discusses the key signs that a relationship won't last and how to find love. She lists several factors that can kill a relationship, including complacency, lack of communication, distrust, contempt, violence, and financial issues. Perel emphasizes the importance of building trust and deep attention in a relationship, which can lead to a sense of being seen and known, and ultimately, a vibrant and fulfilling connection. The interview also touches on the idea of not letting small issues accumulate over time and the importance of addressing them early on.

• Complacency, lack of communication, distrust, contempt, violence, and money issues can all lead to the downfall of a relationship.
• Good will and benefit of the doubt are important in building trust.
• Childhood experiences shape our attachment styles and affect our adult relationships.
• Self-awareness is key to understanding your needs and desires in a relationship.
• Complacency is a disconnect in a relationship.
• People in a relationship often focus on what's wrong with the other person.
• There are three types of dances in a couple: confrontation fight, fight flight, and total distance.
• Language and words are extremely important in organizing ourselves cognitively, physically, and emotionally.
• Finding love requires being open and vulnerable.

The KEY SIGNS That Relationship Won't Last & How To ACTUALLY Find Love! | Esther Perel - YouTube

Factors that can lead to the downfall of a relationship

• Complacency and pure laziness
• Lack of communication
• Profound sense of distrust
• Contempt and dehumanization of the other person
• Violence and aggression of all kinds
• Loss of physical connection and affection
• Money issues and discrepancies of responsibility

The importance of communication and vulnerability in a relationship

• Good will and benefit of the doubt are important in building trust
• Thanking, acknowledging, and validating the other person's feelings
• Being seen and known by the other person
• Having deep attention and curiosity to get to know the other person
• Penetration of attention is highly erotic and makes you feel alive and vibrant

The impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships

• Childhood experiences shape our attachment styles and affect our adult relationships
• Secure attachment style leads to healthy relationships
• Avoidant attachment style leads to emotional distance and fear of intimacy
• Anxious attachment style leads to clinginess and fear of abandonment
• Understanding your attachment style can help you improve your relationships

The KEY SIGNS That Relationship Won't Last & How To ACTUALLY Find Love! | Esther Perel - YouTube

The importance of self-awareness and self-love in finding love

• Self-awareness is key to understanding your needs and desires in a relationship
• Self-love is important in attracting healthy relationships
• Being comfortable with yourself and your own company is attractive to others
• Don't settle for less than what you deserve in a relationship
• Be open to new experiences and people, but also trust your instincts

Complacency in Relationships

• Complacency is a disconnect in a relationship.
• It's when you stop noticing things and become a function defined by tasks.
• Complacency is a lack of acknowledgement and a big bias towards the negative.
• It's a step-by-step process that creates a disconnect.
• Complacency is a lesser fair attitude where you don't notice things anymore.

Blindness in Relationships

• People in a relationship often focus on what's wrong with the other person.
• They stop looking at themselves and become completely focused on the other person.
• Couples therapy is often a drop-off center where people come to tell you what's wrong with their partner.
• The first thing you do in couples therapy is reconfigure the lens and talk about what you've done to improve things.
• You need to hear the multiple voices in a relationship to understand the story.

Different Types of Dances in a Couple

• There are three types of dances in a couple: confrontation fight, fight flight, and total distance.
• One person often comes in and blames the other person for everything.
• It's important to hear the multiple voices in a relationship to understand the story.
• High conflict relationships are often highly reactive.
• You only see what the other person did to which you reacted, without realizing that your reaction is their action.

Unwinding the Disconnect

• It's important to reconfigure the lens and talk about what you've done to improve things.
• You need to hear the multiple voices in a relationship to understand the story.
• High conflict relationships are often highly reactive.
• You only see what the other person did to which you reacted, without realizing that your reaction is their action.
• It's important to acknowledge your own biases and work on them.

The Importance of Language and Naming

• Language and words are extremely important in organizing ourselves cognitively, physically, and emotionally.
• Naming is framing, but the naming itself needs to become particular to the person.
• Language shapes the experience, and once you tell a story, you experience the story the way you have told it.
• The goal of therapy is to help people leave with a different story than the one they came in with.
• Blanket statements about relationships depend on the cultural context in which they exist.

The Power of Cultural Context

• The meaning of words can be completely different in different cultural contexts.
• It is important to remain curious and ask what words mean for each person.
• Marriage can have completely different definitions in different cultures.
• For example, in some cultures, happiness in marriage has nothing to do with intimacy with one's partner.
• Sex, death, and money are all culturally defined concepts.

The Downfall of Relationships

• Complacency, lack of communication, distrust, contempt, violence, and money issues can all lead to the downfall of a relationship.
• It is important to recognize the signs of these issues and address them early on.
• Relationships require effort and work to maintain.
• It is important to prioritize the relationship and make time for each other.
• Communication is key in any relationship.

Finding Love

• Finding love requires being open and vulnerable.
• It is important to know and understand oneself before seeking a partner.
• Compatibility is important, but it is also important to be willing to compromise and work through differences.
• Love is not just a feeling, but also a choice and a commitment.
• It is important to have realistic expectations and not expect a partner to fulfill all of one's needs.

Contextualizing Relationships

• Defining a couple and marriage
• Expectations brought to marriage and how they differ from previous generations
• Importance of understanding family history and cultural background
• Individualism versus collectivism
• Global differences in the concept of marriage

Effective Communication

• Importance of defining terms and understanding their meaning
• Contextualizing speech within family and cultural background
• Being aware of partner's context and bringing it together for effective communication
• Meaning-making creatures and the impact on defining success, loyalty, and closeness
• Clarifying and lightening up communication

Watch the video on YouTube:
The KEY SIGNS That Relationship Won't Last & How To ACTUALLY Find Love! | Esther Perel - YouTube