When You Feel SAD or LONELY In Life, WATCH THIS! (Heal Your Trauma) | Susan Cain & Jay Shetty

Last updated: Jun 1, 2023

The video is an interview with author Susan Cain about her book "Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole" and the importance of acknowledging and processing grief and loss in a society that often doesn't allow for it.

The video is an interview between Jay Shetty and Susan Cain, author of "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" and "Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way." They discuss the topic of disenfranchised grief, which refers to the many versions of grief and separations that are not socially acceptable to mourn. They also talk about the importance of acknowledging and processing pain and sorrow in a healthy way, and how music can be a powerful tool for expressing and transforming these emotions. Cain shares her personal journey of exploring these themes and how it led her to write her latest book.

  • Disenfranchised grief is when there are many versions of grief and separation that are not socially acceptable to mourn.
  • Susan Cain is the author of "Quiet" and "Bittersweet" and her TED Talk has been viewed over 30 million times.
  • Humans struggle with what to do with pain and the generic advice is that it will heal with time or go away naturally.
  • Music has the power to turn pain into something beautiful and can help humans create meaning out of pain and loss.
  • Acceptance and commitment are important steps in processing grief and loss, and connection is crucial in this process.
  • Transforming pain into acceptance and meaning requires courage, curiosity, and resilience.
  • Acknowledging and processing grief and loss can lead to creativity, transcendence, and a closer connection to wholeness.
  • Looking for the union between souls everywhere we can is important, and understanding the uniqueness of pain is healing.
  • Issa, a Japanese Buddhist poet, wrote a poem about accepting impermanence after his baby daughter's death, showing that everyone struggles with the idea of impermanence.

When You Feel SAD or LONELY In Life, WATCH THIS! (Heal Your Trauma) | Susan Cain & Jay Shetty - YouTube

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Disenfranchised Grief

  • Psychologists talk about disenfranchised grief, which means there are many versions of grief and separation that are not socially acceptable to mourn.
  • These separations are not named to ourselves as something that requires mourning because we don't think of them that way.
  • There are many ways in which these emotions show up.
  • There are a thousand and one versions of these griefs and separations that are not socially acceptable to mourn.
  • We don't warn them, and we don't even name them to ourselves as something that requires mourning.
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Introduction to Susan Cain

  • Susan Cain is the author of "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking."
  • Her book spent seven years on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into over 40 languages.
  • Her most recent book is "Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole."
  • Her record-smashing TED Talk has been viewed over 30 million times on TED.com and YouTube combined.
  • Bill Gates named her TED Talk as one of his all-time favorites.
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The Importance of Acknowledging Pain

  • As humans, we've never been taught about what to do with pain.
  • We don't really know what to do with the feeling of loss or sorrow.
  • The generic advice we get is that it will heal with time or go away naturally.
  • Susan Cain's journey of figuring out what to do with pain started when she noticed that she was drawn to minor key kind of longing yearning music.
  • She realized that the uplift came from love, and the music was expressing the pain that all humans experience at one time or another.
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When You Feel SAD or LONELY In Life, WATCH THIS! (Heal Your Trauma) | Susan Cain & Jay Shetty - YouTube

Turning Pain into Something Beautiful

  • Music has the power to turn pain into something beautiful.
  • Musician composing music like that are expressing the pain that all humans experience at one time or another.
  • They're basically saying we all feel this some of the time.
  • The music is then going to take this extra step of turning the pain into something beautiful.
  • It's kind of the call that we all have to turn our pain into something beautiful.
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The Importance of Acceptance and Commitment

  • Bitter sweetness is the willingness to accept that life is a mix of joy and sorrow.
  • Acceptance is the first step in processing grief and loss.
  • Acceptance looks different for everyone and can include chaotic emotions.
  • Commitment is the second step and involves identifying the source of pain and committing to that area of life.
  • Humans want to create meaning out of pain and loss.
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The Role of Connection in Processing Pain

  • Connection is often overlooked but is a crucial factor in processing pain.
  • There is no pain that others haven't been through or that people who have been through it couldn't gather around together.
  • Alcoholics Anonymous is an example of people gathering together to lift each other up.
  • Connection helps bring us closer to wholeness.
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The Fear of Transforming Pain into Acceptance and Meaning

  • Transforming pain into acceptance and meaning requires spending more time with the wound.
  • Courage and curiosity are needed to take a closer look at what matters to you that has caused you pain.
  • Resilience is required to assess and process pain.
  • Connection can help provide the resilience needed to process pain.
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The Benefits of Acknowledging and Processing Grief and Loss

  • Acknowledging and processing grief and loss is important in a society that often doesn't allow for it.
  • Suppressing grief and loss can cause more pain and stress.
  • Processing grief and loss can lead to creativity and transcendence.
  • Processing grief and loss can help bring us closer to wholeness.
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The Union Between Souls

  • Painful moments can open us up to the union between souls.
  • Looking for the union between souls everywhere we can is important.
  • In our culture, we don't like to talk about grief and loss, which is a problem.
  • We need more of a union between souls because we have nothing but division.
  • Feeling like no one understands us and that we're alone in our pain is unhealthy.
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The Uniqueness of Pain

  • Every person's life story is unique, and some pains are more difficult than others.
  • Understanding the connection between pain is the most healing of all.
  • A Japanese Buddhist poet named Issa wrote a poem about accepting impermanence after his baby daughter's death.
  • Even though he was trained in impermanence, he still grieved.
  • He wrote the poem because he knows that everybody has trouble with the idea of impermanence.
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The Beauty of Connection Through Music

  • Music and art allow us to connect with each other and with something greater than ourselves.
  • Listening to music and consuming art allows us to join together and experience universal truths.
  • Music is a universal language that crosses boundaries and barriers.
  • People all over the world listen to the same music, creating a sense of connection and unity.
  • Music and art can help us process grief and loss in a society that often doesn't allow for it.
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The Transformative Power of Sad Music

  • Sad music is often more uplifting than happy music.
  • Listening to sad music can make us feel connected to states of wonder, awe, and transcendence.
  • Humans have a fundamental emotional DNA to feel that we belong in another, more perfect and beautiful state.
  • Sad music puts us in touch with this state and makes us feel connected to the more perfect and beautiful world to which we feel we belong.
  • Music and poetry often began with a sense of loss and longing for a better world.
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The Universality of Longing and Loss in Music

  • Longing for a lost love is a universal theme in music and art across cultures.
  • Music and poetry often began with a sense of loss and longing for a better world.
  • There is something very deep in us that feels these things but is uplifted by them because we're together in that state of exile and longing for a better world.
  • Longing is seen as higher than love in connection because there's a deeper sense of connection and intimacy that is experienced in wanting to be reunited with a loved one.
  • Some of these concepts can be easily misconstrued or swayed, but the beauty of music and art is that they allow us to connect and experience universal truths together.
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The Importance of Acknowledging and Processing Grief and Loss

  • Society often doesn't allow for the acknowledgement and processing of grief and loss.
  • Music and art can help us process grief and loss in a healthy way.
  • It's important to acknowledge and process grief and loss in order to heal and move forward.
  • Suppressing grief and loss can lead to negative consequences such as depression and anxiety.
  • By acknowledging and processing grief and loss, we can find meaning and purpose in our lives.
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The Importance of Longing and Creativity

  • Longing for material things is different from existential longing for beauty and purpose.
  • Transforming pain into creativity is possible for everyone.
  • Creative acts can take many forms, from baking a cake to starting an organization.
  • The key is the transformation of pain into beauty.
  • Longing and creativity can help us find meaning and purpose in life.
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The Relationship Between Trauma and Creativity

  • Artists and musicians often draw inspiration from sadness and trauma.
  • Transforming pain into creativity can be a healthy form of healing.
  • Creativity can take many forms, from music to poetry to baking a cake.
  • The transformation of pain into beauty is the key.
  • Starting small is important, and the act of transformation is more important than the size or scope of the creative act.
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Starting the Healing Process

  • Starting the healing process can be difficult, especially when in the midst of trauma and pain.
  • Acceptance and commitment to the things we value is important.
  • Starting small is important, and the act of transformation is more important than the size or scope of the creative act.
  • Transformation can take many forms, from baking a cake to starting an organization.
  • It's important to find what works for you and to start where you are.
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The Importance of Acknowledging and Processing Grief and Loss

  • Society often doesn't allow for the acknowledgement and processing of grief and loss.
  • It's important to acknowledge and process grief and loss in order to heal and find meaning and purpose in life.
  • Transforming pain into creativity can be a healthy form of healing.
  • Creativity can take many forms, from music to poetry to baking a cake.
  • The transformation of pain into beauty is the key.
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Acceptance and Connection

  • Acceptance includes sitting with pain.
  • Transformation may not happen immediately, and that's okay.
  • Connection is key to healing.
  • Connection can be with one person or online.
  • Honor your own wishes for connection.
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Moving Forward with Grief

  • Realizing that life still goes on.
  • Carrying lost loved ones with you as you move forward.
  • Connection is still important even after loss.
  • People want to talk about their lost loved ones.
  • Ask about preferences for talking about lost loved ones.
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Examples of Healthy Grief

  • Lois, who lost her daughter, wants to talk about her daughter and have her be a part of her life.
  • People want to talk about their lost loved ones in everyday life.
  • Nora McInerney's idea of moving forward instead of moving on after losing her husband.
  • Carrying lost loved ones with you forever.
  • Connection is still important after loss.
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Conclusion

  • Acceptance and connection are key to healing from grief.
  • Carrying lost loved ones with you as you move forward is healthier than trying to move on.
  • People want to talk about their lost loved ones and have them be a part of their lives.
  • Connection is still important after loss.
  • Everyone grieves differently, and it's important to honor your own wishes for connection and healing.
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