Ryan Holiday ON: How To AVOID BEING MISERABLE For The Rest of Your Life | Jay Shetty

Last updated: Jun 1, 2023

The video is about how to avoid being miserable for the rest of your life, with Ryan Holiday discussing the importance of wisdom, self-control, and discipline in achieving happiness and avoiding the pitfalls of pleasure-seeking and false beliefs about success.

The video features a conversation between Jay Shetty and Ryan Holiday, a best-selling author and host of a health and wellness podcast. They discuss the societal addiction to pleasure-seeking and the importance of wisdom and self-control. They also talk about the dangers of conditional happiness and the need for discipline, not just in achieving daily tasks, but also in being disciplined about discipline itself. They emphasize the importance of being present and content in the moment, rather than constantly striving for more.

  • Society is addicted to pleasure-seeking, but it can lead to misery.
  • Discipline is necessary for achieving success and happiness.
  • Wisdom and self-control are essential for avoiding misery.
  • Sleep discipline is important for overall discipline and well-being.
  • It can be challenging to balance work and personal life, but discipline is necessary.
  • Prioritizing what matters most is important for achieving goals.
  • Self-reflection and learning from mistakes is essential for personal growth.
  • Discipline needs to be balanced with sustainability, rest, and recovery.
  • Self-discipline requires making difficult choices and questioning emotions and instincts.

Ryan Holiday ON: How To AVOID BEING MISERABLE For The Rest of Your Life | Jay Shetty - YouTube

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The Pitfalls of Pleasure-Seeking

  • Society has become addicted to pleasure-seeking.
  • The Stoics question why we left wisdom and self-control.
  • The Epicureans believe that pleasure is great, but if you push it too far, it becomes not pleasurable.
  • Our minds are good at tricking us into thinking we need something.
  • Part of any meditative or philosophical practice is being able to argue with yourself.
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Ambition and False Beliefs About Success

  • Ambition is one of the things we need to be most disciplined about.
  • We tell ourselves that we will be happy when we accomplish X.
  • We need to have the perspective and wisdom to realize that this is a lie.
  • Discipline can also be curbing our impulse to always push ourselves to do better.
  • We need to learn how to be disciplined about discipline.
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The Importance of Discipline

  • Discipline is not just about achieving daily or weekly tasks.
  • Discipline is also about curbing our impulses and being present in the moment.
  • Overtraining is the number one cause of injury for athletes.
  • Discipline can be a tool for achieving happiness and contentment.
  • We need to learn how to be disciplined about discipline.
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Ryan Holiday ON: How To AVOID BEING MISERABLE For The Rest of Your Life | Jay Shetty - YouTube

The Role of Wisdom and Self-Control

  • Wisdom and self-control are essential for achieving happiness and avoiding misery.
  • We need to be able to step back and think about the consequences of our actions.
  • Our minds are good at tricking us into thinking we need something.
  • Part of any meditative or philosophical practice is being able to argue with yourself.
  • We need to learn how to be disciplined about discipline.
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The Importance of Discipline and Sustainability

  • Discipline is necessary for achieving success and happiness.
  • Discipline needs to be balanced with sustainability, rest, and recovery.
  • Spiritual discipline is important in addition to physical discipline.
  • Discipline needs to be tailored to different phases and stages of life.
  • Discipline is not just about pushing yourself to work harder, but also about knowing when to rest and recuperate.
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The Challenge of Self-Discipline

  • Self-discipline requires making difficult choices and sacrifices.
  • It can be challenging to resist the temptation to do what feels comfortable or natural.
  • Self-discipline involves questioning your emotions, instincts, and opinions.
  • Discipline requires the ability to catch yourself and ask if what you're doing is the right thing.
  • Discipline is about choosing what to assent to and what not to assent to.
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The Importance of Sleep Discipline

  • Sleep discipline is an important aspect of overall discipline.
  • Getting enough sleep is necessary for making good decisions and avoiding negative consequences.
  • Sleep discipline involves making choices about when to go to bed and when to wake up.
  • Sleep discipline requires recognizing that sometimes it's necessary to prioritize rest over work.
  • Sleep discipline can be challenging, but it's essential for maintaining good health and well-being.
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The Challenge of Balancing Work and Personal Life

  • Discipline is necessary for balancing work and personal life.
  • It can be challenging to prioritize personal life over work, especially in the early stages of a career.
  • Self-discipline involves making choices about when to work and when to rest.
  • Discipline requires recognizing that success in one area of life may come at the expense of other areas.
  • Discipline involves making choices that align with your values and priorities.
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The Importance of Prioritizing

  • It's important to prioritize what matters most to you.
  • Realize that saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else.
  • Use guilt constructively to remind yourself of your priorities.
  • Think about what your actions show, not just what you say.
  • Audit yourself to see if your actions align with your priorities.
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The Danger of Pleasure-Seeking

  • Pleasure-seeking can lead to misery in the long run.
  • It's important to have self-control and discipline.
  • Don't mistake pleasure for happiness.
  • Focus on what truly matters to you, not just what feels good in the moment.
  • Be mindful of the consequences of your actions.
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The Importance of Wisdom

  • Wisdom is essential for avoiding misery.
  • Wisdom comes from experience and learning from mistakes.
  • Don't be afraid to seek out wisdom from others.
  • Be open-minded and willing to learn.
  • Understand that wisdom takes time and effort to develop.
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The Importance of Self-Reflection

  • Self-reflection is essential for personal growth and avoiding misery.
  • Be honest with yourself about your flaws and mistakes.
  • Use guilt constructively to make positive changes.
  • Regularly audit yourself to ensure your actions align with your priorities.
  • Be willing to make changes and learn from your mistakes.
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The Importance of Habits and Processes

  • Most things we want in life are accidental byproducts of habits, processes, systems, and routines.
  • Happiness can't be pursued, it must ensue as a result of getting the big things right.
  • Good habits and routines lead to good outcomes.
  • People often cheat or steal happiness instead of starting small and getting closer to it.
  • Control what you put in and the outcome happens or doesn't happen.
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The Discipline of Writing and Physical Practice

  • Writing is a sedentary, cerebral thing that needs to be balanced with physical practice.
  • Doing something hard every day, like running, swimming, or biking, cultivates the muscle of being able to push through challenges.
  • The muscle to cultivate is the ability to force oneself to do something unpleasant.
  • Starting is the key to becoming the person on the other side of the challenge.
  • Spending most of one's life outside of the comfort zone leads to growth.
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The Discrepancy Between Personal and Professional Goals

  • We take risks to succeed financially, in business, and in our careers, but not in our personal lives.
  • Most of us would admit that personal life matters more than professional life.
  • Having aggressive goals for stock prices or sales is common, but not for personal relationships.
  • Clear financial and professional goals are often present, but not clear personal goals.
  • Being a better wrestler is great, but being a better forgiver of faults and a better friend in tight places is more important.
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The Importance of Shifting from Feeling to Thinking and Doing

  • Most people don't know how to shift from feeling to thinking and doing something different.
  • Feeling guilty is an example of a feeling that needs to be shifted to thinking and doing something different.
  • Trying to feel happy without changing thoughts and actions is not effective.
  • Changing thoughts and actions leads to feeling happiness or other desired feelings.
  • Discipline is necessary to shift from feeling to thinking and doing something different.
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The Importance of Personal Growth

  • Challenging yourself in your personal life is important
  • Getting vulnerable and stepping outside of your comfort zone is necessary
  • Our professional lives are more quantifiable, but personal growth is private
  • Not focusing on personal growth can cost us in the long run
  • Conscious effort and focus can lead to a better personal life
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The Pursuit of Inward Growth

  • Most people become someone they don't want to be in order to achieve something
  • The external pursuit often leads to losing oneself
  • The pursuit of inward growth leads to becoming the person you want to be
  • Openness and vulnerability are required for inward growth
  • Personal growth leads to being proud of oneself
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The Difficulty of Personal Growth

  • Personal growth is harder because there is no external reward or quantifiability
  • People's emotions are harder to control than algorithms or the stock market
  • Personal growth is a multi-dimensional and challenging process
  • Personal growth demands more of oneself
  • Optimizing professional life is unlikely to improve personal life
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The Importance of Discipline in Personal Growth

  • Discipline often gets applied to the Titan in the industry, not the amateur at home
  • Discipline is often thought of in terms of external achievements
  • Being talented can lead to accommodations being made for bad behavior
  • Personal growth requires humility and meeting equals on an equal playing field
  • Self-control and focus are necessary for personal growth
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The Challenge of Discipline

  • Trying to break a habit that we hate is a big challenge with discipline.
  • People have a bitter feeling towards the habit they want to break.
  • Wanting to get rid of a habit at all costs makes people hold onto it harder.
  • The metaphor of snake skin shedding is used to meditate on the natural process of shedding habits.
  • Minor improvements compounded on top of each other day in and day out lead to great results.
  • Being intentional in your personal life is harder because it depends on other people.
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The Importance of Restraint

  • Restraint is the hardest thing.
  • People have an inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
  • Unlimited distractions and opportunities make it hard to hold the mind still.
  • Having the mind still while the body is in motion requires a lot of discipline, self-control, and self-awareness.
  • Understanding that it's hard for you to be still is a step in the journey to getting better at it.
  • Restraint requires practice and patience.
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The Beauty of Process

  • The beauty of process is that it's a natural organic process.
  • Minor improvements compounded on top of each other day in and day out lead to great results.
  • Process requires showing up day in and day out.
  • Process can fall away at any moment, so you have to rebuild it.
  • Being intentional and having clear expectations, wants, and desires in your personal life is harder because it depends on other people.
  • Adjusting and accommodating towards others is an important thing to figure out.
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Finding Your Definition of Discipline

  • It's equally important to say no as it is to say yes.
  • Seeking discomfort means doing the things you find hardest.
  • Restraint is the hardest thing, and it requires discipline, self-control, and self-awareness.
  • People need to find their own definition of discipline.
  • Building discipline requires practice and patience.
  • Understanding that discipline is a journey and not a destination is important.
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The Importance of Self-Awareness and Discipline

  • Many people are constantly doing things without realizing they are running away from something that makes them uncomfortable.
  • It is important to understand that the journey towards self-awareness and discipline is constant.
  • Wherever you go, there you are, and if you can't get comfortable with that, you won't be able to see what's there.
  • Chasing pleasure for too long can cause you to miss what was already there.
  • Building discipline is a journey that requires patience and self-awareness.
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The Role of Coaching and Education in Building Habits

  • Looking at daily habit changes is the easiest way to build the muscle of discipline.
  • Building new habits can take time, and it is important to have a coach or mentor to guide you.
  • Having a focus on one habit at a time can make the process more manageable.
  • Education and coaching can help you understand the benefits of building new habits.
  • Building new habits is a journey that requires patience and self-awareness.
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The Journey of Building Discipline is Ongoing

  • Building discipline is not just about whipping yourself into shape, but also about hiring a coach and setting reachable goals.
  • It is important to step back and give yourself credit for how far you've come.
  • Discipline is a journey that requires constant effort and self-awareness.
  • It is important to understand that you are not supposed to ever fully arrive at a destination of perfect discipline.
  • Discipline is like the horizon, always a little bit further away.
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The Complexity of Building Discipline

  • If knowing what to do was enough, everyone would be in great shape and free of illness and problems.
  • Building discipline is a complex process that requires patience, self-awareness, and education.
  • The wisest people in the world struggled their whole lives with building discipline.
  • It is unfair to expect yourself to fully arrive at perfect discipline, but it is important to strive towards it.
  • Building discipline is a journey that requires constant effort and self-awareness.
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