Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom

Last updated: Jun 1, 2023

The video is about emotional intelligence and how it can be learned and improved, with psychologist Daniel Goleman discussing the four parts of emotional intelligence and the importance of teaching it to children in schools.

The video is an interview with psychologist Daniel Goleman, who discusses the concept of emotional intelligence and its importance in personal and professional success. Goleman explains that emotional intelligence is being intelligent about emotions, and consists of four parts: self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and social skill. He emphasizes that emotional intelligence is learned and can be improved, and advocates for teaching it to children in schools. Goleman also provides examples of how emotional intelligence is crucial in leadership positions and offers suggestions for how to strengthen emotional intelligence, such as starting with simple exercises like a "feeling circle" in schools.

  • Emotional intelligence involves self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and social skill.
  • Emotional intelligence is more important for success than cognitive abilities.
  • Emotional intelligence is learned and learnable.
  • Teaching emotional intelligence to kids in school is important.
  • Developing self-awareness is an important part of improving emotional intelligence.
  • Children can learn neuroscience concepts and cognitive control to manage disruptive emotions.
  • Conceptualizing emotions can help children manage their emotions.
  • Emotional intelligence can help prevent amygdala hijacks and the regretful actions that can result from them.
  • Adults can improve emotional intelligence through mindfulness and meditation.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom - YouTube

Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom 001

Introduction to Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence is a different way of being smart, being intelligent about emotions.
  • There are four parts of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and social skill.
  • Emotional intelligence skills matter far more for success than cognitive abilities.
  • Emotional intelligence is important for managing people, not just technical skills.
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Learnability of Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence is learned and learnable.
  • There is a methodology for improving emotional intelligence.
  • Teaching emotional intelligence to kids in school is important because the brain's emotional social circuits don't become anatomically mature until the mid-20s.
  • It's not too late to improve emotional intelligence in adulthood, but it may require unlearning some habits and relearning new ones.
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Teaching Emotional Intelligence in Schools

  • The best programs cover the whole range of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and getting along with other kids.
  • Starting the day with a feeling circle is a good way to begin teaching self-awareness to young children.
  • Teaching emotional intelligence to kids involves helping them recognize and interpret their feelings.
  • Emotional intelligence can be taught to kids as young as five or six years old.
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Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom - YouTube

Developing Self-Awareness

  • Self-awareness involves knowing what you're feeling, why you feel it, and how it affects what you do.
  • Starting the day with a feeling circle is a good way to begin developing self-awareness in young children.
  • Self-awareness can be developed by recognizing and interpreting your own feelings.
  • Developing self-awareness is an important part of improving emotional intelligence.
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Teaching Emotional Intelligence to Children

  • Emotional intelligence can be taught to children in schools.
  • Children can learn neuroscience concepts such as the prefrontal cortex and amygdala.
  • One of the circuits to strengthen is cognitive control, which helps manage disruptive emotions.
  • Children can learn to recognize when they are getting upset and find ways to calm down before responding.
  • Emotional intelligence is important for success in both personal and professional life.
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The Interaction Between Prefrontal Cortex and Emotional Centers

  • The amygdala is constantly scanning for threats in our environment.
  • In modern civilization, the same biological response and wiring of the central nervous system can cause an amygdala hijack.
  • The prefrontal cortex is the thinking part of the brain that can be taken over by the emotional centers during an amygdala hijack.
  • Emotional intelligence is the smooth integration of the emotional centers and the prefrontal cortex.
  • Self-awareness is the beginning of emotional intelligence.
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The Importance of Conceptualizing Emotions

  • Conceptualizing emotions can help children manage their emotions.
  • Children can learn to put their emotions into boxes or categories.
  • Joseph LeDoux's work on the interaction between the prefrontal cortex and emotional centers is foundational to emotional intelligence.
  • Emotional intelligence involves giving children names and ways to conceptualize their emotions.
  • Lisa Feldman Barrett's work on developing an awareness of the body is related to the concept of conceptualizing emotions.
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The Power of Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence is important for success in both personal and professional life.
  • Emotional intelligence involves managing disruptive emotions and recognizing when you are getting upset.
  • Emotional intelligence is the smooth integration of the emotional centers and the prefrontal cortex.
  • Emotional intelligence can help prevent amygdala hijacks and the regretful actions that can result from them.
  • Emotional intelligence involves recognizing symbolic threats and responding appropriately.
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Teaching Emotional Intelligence to Children

  • There are over 100 different curricula for social emotional learning.
  • Help children recognize early signs of emotional hijack.
  • Teach children to take control of their emotions.
  • Give children more agency and ability to manage their own life.
  • Use different language and methods for different age groups.
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Improving Emotional Intelligence in Adults

  • Brain plasticity continues until the day you die.
  • First step in changing a habit is mindfulness.
  • Recognize early warning signs of negative emotions.
  • Name the feeling of getting angry to shift energy from the circuitry for anger to the verbal cortex.
  • Have something else to do instead of reacting negatively.
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Importance of Cognitive Control

  • Best programs for kids teach cognitive control.
  • It's never too late to increase cognitive control.
  • Adults can improve cognitive control through mindfulness and meditation.
  • Meditation can help relax and reduce anxiety.
  • Mindfulness is now being taught in businesses as well.
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Personal Experience with Meditation

  • Started meditating in college to relax.
  • Found meditation in the Bay Area in the 70s.
  • Psychology of the day paid no attention to meditation.
  • Spent two years in India and met many meditators.
  • Research on meditation was initially rejected by Harvard.
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Early Introduction to Meditation

  • At 13 years old, Goleman's sister gave him a book called Zen Flesh Zen Bones, which sparked his interest in Eastern schools of thought.
  • He became intrigued by the idea of transcending ordinary life.
  • He tried meditation and found that it worked for him in calming his anxiety.
  • He learned Transcendental Meditation (TM) and paid a lot of money for his mantra.
  • Later, he learned mindfulness meditation in India.
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The Benefits of Meditation

  • Research shows that regular meditation calms the mind and makes one less triggered and more able to recover quickly.
  • Meditation is a direct training for the mind in paying attention.
  • Every meditation involves repeating a mantra or focusing on the breath.
  • Every time the mind wanders and is brought back, the neural circuitry is trained to pay attention.
  • The best meditation is the one that one will do regularly.
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The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence has four parts: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
  • It is important to teach emotional intelligence to children in schools.
  • Emotional intelligence can be learned and improved through practice.
  • Emotional intelligence is essential for success in life and work.
  • Emotional intelligence can be improved through mindfulness meditation.
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Goleman's Personal Meditation Practice

  • Goleman's personal meditation practice involves focusing on the breath and maximizing the pleasure of each part of the cycle.
  • He listens to natural sounds, such as waves crashing or a thunderstorm, to enhance his awareness.
  • He brings his mind back to focusing on his breathing or the sounds whenever it wanders.
  • His meditation practice helps him stay calm and focused in his work and personal life.
  • He believes that meditation is a valuable tool for improving emotional intelligence and overall well-being.
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The Benefits of Controlled Breathing and Attention Control

  • Diaphragmatic breathing can shift the body from the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic nervous system, leading to relaxation and calmness.
  • Research shows that regular practice of controlled breathing can have a strong physiological impact on the body.
  • Attention control is also important in meditation, as it helps to bring the mind back to focus every time it wanders off.
  • There are different levels of meditative accomplishment, with industrial strength meditators like yogis devoting their whole life to it and having different brain physiology.
  • Continued practice of meditation can lead to better benefits and altered traits of consciousness.
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The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and manage one's own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
  • It has four parts: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
  • Emotional intelligence can be learned and improved, and it is important to teach it to children in schools.
  • Emotional intelligence can lead to better relationships, better decision-making, and better mental health.
  • Emotional intelligence can also be beneficial in the workplace, leading to better leadership and teamwork.
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The Role of Mindfulness in Emotional Intelligence

  • Mindfulness is the practice of being present and aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.
  • Mindfulness can help to improve emotional intelligence by increasing self-awareness and self-management.
  • Mindfulness can also help to improve attention control and reduce stress and anxiety.
  • Mindfulness can be practiced through meditation, breathing exercises, and other techniques.
  • Mindfulness can be beneficial for both personal and professional growth.
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The Importance of Empathy in Emotional Intelligence

  • Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
  • Empathy is an important part of social awareness and relationship management in emotional intelligence.
  • Empathy can be learned and improved through practice and exposure to diverse perspectives.
  • Empathy can lead to better communication, conflict resolution, and teamwork.
  • Empathy can also lead to better mental health and well-being.
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Yogis, Llamas, and Swamis

  • A discussion about a swami who claimed to control his autonomic nervous system.
  • The swami was actually a phony who didn't know what he was doing.
  • He would claim to stop his heart, but he was actually speeding it up so much that you couldn't differentiate between beats.
  • Research interest has moved on from this topic, and now we're more interested in what happens in the brain.
  • The speaker was interested in studying eastern systems as systems of psychology.
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Bringing Meditation to the West

  • The speaker was interested in bringing meditation to the west in a sound way.
  • He wanted to get good research done on it.
  • Richard Davidson is leading the neuroscience research on meditation.
  • John Kabat-Zinn has introduced mindfulness-based stress reduction.
  • Meditation is a kind of mind training and emotional management that people can benefit from immensely.
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The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others.
  • It has four parts: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
  • Emotional intelligence can be learned and improved.
  • It's important to teach emotional intelligence to children in schools.
  • Emotional intelligence can help people succeed in their personal and professional lives.
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The Benefits of Mindfulness

  • Mindfulness is the ability to be present and fully engaged in the moment.
  • It can help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.
  • Mindfulness can improve focus, attention, and cognitive flexibility.
  • It can also improve relationships and increase empathy and compassion.
  • Mindfulness can be practiced through meditation, but it can also be practiced in everyday life.
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Emotional Intelligence and Relationships

  • Contempt in a relationship can lead to divorce.
  • Recognizing body emotions and being mindful can help in unwinding negative emotions.
  • Taking a break during an argument can help in calming down.
  • Separating for at least 20 minutes can help in calming down.
  • Emotional intelligence can help in managing oneself and relating to others.
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Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

  • IQ is no longer the only factor for success in leadership.
  • Emotional intelligence makes a difference in how one manages oneself and relates to others.
  • Highly emotionally intelligent leaders can get top performance out of people.
  • People like and are more loyal to emotionally intelligent leaders.
  • Emotional intelligence can lead to profit and growth in organizations.
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Qualities of a Good Boss

  • Emotional intelligence characterizes the boss that people love.
  • People trust emotionally intelligent bosses.
  • Emotionally intelligent bosses provide psychological safety and are honest.
  • Psychological safety is critical for a good relationship.
  • Empathy, both cognitive and emotional, is important for emotional intelligence.
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Types of Empathy

  • Cognitive empathy is understanding how people think and communicate.
  • Emotional empathy is feeling what the other person is feeling.
  • Empathic concern is caring about the other person and wanting what's good for them.
  • Empathic concern creates psychological safety.
  • Communicating empathic concern can be done verbally or non-verbally.
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The Social Brain

  • Social neuroscience is a new field that emerged as neuroscientists started looking at two brains and two bodies while people interacted.
  • The forebrain has circuitry designed to link to the brain of the other person.
  • Mirror neurons are a back channel for emotions to pass and tell us instantly what the person in front of us is feeling, doing, intending.
  • If you're the most powerful person in the group, it's human nature to pay most attention to and put most importance on what the most powerful person in the group says or does.
  • People catch the mood of the leader of a team, and performance goes up or down accordingly.
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The Power of Connection

  • People we love and who love us are silently and biologically connected to us.
  • When someone holds our hand, our amygdala goes calm.
  • Our presence is important biologically, and it may not be evident to us.
  • The most powerful person in the group has a lot of influence that we just don't know about.
  • During COVID-19, people have not been able to be there when their loved ones are struggling or passing away, which is heartbreaking.
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The Four Parts of Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence has four parts: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
  • Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence and involves knowing what we're feeling and why.
  • Self-management involves handling our emotions in a way that's appropriate to the situation.
  • Social awareness involves sensing what others are feeling and understanding their perspective.
  • Relationship management involves using our awareness of our own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully.
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Teaching Emotional Intelligence in Schools

  • Teaching emotional intelligence in schools can help children learn how to manage their emotions and interact with others successfully.
  • Children can learn emotional intelligence through mindfulness practices, social-emotional learning programs, and other methods.
  • Emotional intelligence can help children succeed academically, socially, and in their future careers.
  • Emotional intelligence can also help reduce bullying and other negative behaviors in schools.
  • Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned and improved throughout life.
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Importance of Connection and Purpose

  • Isolation and loneliness can lead to severe illness, depression, and anxiety.
  • However, for meditators, isolation can be seen as an opportunity for retreat and solitude.
  • Meditation can provide a sense of purpose and meaning, which can help individuals endure difficult situations.
  • Having a larger sense of purpose can make it easier to endure torture and difficult situations.
  • At work, finding purpose and meaning can help individuals continue to work despite risks and challenges.
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The Role of Meaning in Meditation

  • There is no data on whether meditators would get the same benefit from meditation during isolation without a sense of purpose.
  • However, having a larger frame of meaning likely makes a difference in every part of life.
  • For example, physicians on the front line of COVID-19 continue to work despite risks and challenges because of the meaning and purpose of their work.
  • Without meaning or purpose, individuals may give up when faced with difficult situations.
  • Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl emphasizes the importance of finding meaning and purpose in life.
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The Punch Line of Life

  • The most important thing in life is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself.
  • Fulfillment, rather than success, money, or fame, is the key to a happy life.
  • Focusing on meaning and purpose can provide a sense of fulfillment that is more lasting than happiness.
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Victor Frankl's Yes to Life

  • Victor Frankl's book Yes to Life in Spite of Everything is about finding meaning and purpose in life, even in difficult circumstances.
  • Frankl's own experiences in concentration camps taught him the importance of meaning and purpose.
  • The title of the book comes from a theme song in a concentration camp, where prisoners sang "yes to life in spite of everything" sarcastically, but later embraced it as a positive affirmation.
  • The book covers themes of propaganda and disinformation, and the importance of being a smart consumer of information.
  • The introduction to the book discusses the power of beliefs and the importance of finding meaning in life.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom 046

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

  • Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and manage one's own emotions, as well as understand and influence the emotions of others.
  • There are four parts of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
  • Emotional intelligence can be learned and improved through practice and feedback.
  • Emotional intelligence is important for success in personal and professional relationships, as well as overall well-being.
  • Teaching emotional intelligence to children in schools can have long-lasting benefits for their future success and happiness.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom 047

The Power of Mindfulness

  • Mindfulness is the practice of being present and aware in the moment, without judgment.
  • Mindfulness can help improve emotional intelligence by increasing self-awareness and self-management.
  • Mindfulness can also have physical health benefits, such as reducing stress and improving immune function.
  • Mindfulness can be practiced through meditation, but can also be incorporated into daily activities such as walking or eating.
  • Mindfulness can be especially helpful in managing difficult emotions and stressful situations.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom 049

The Importance of Empathy

  • Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
  • Empathy is an important part of social awareness and relationship management in emotional intelligence.
  • Empathy can be improved through practice and by actively listening to others.
  • Empathy can help improve relationships and communication, as well as reduce conflict and promote cooperation.
  • Teaching empathy to children can help them develop better social skills and emotional intelligence.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman Reveals How to Strengthen Your Emotional IQ | Conversations with Tom 050

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