Mel Robbins: This One Hack Will Unlock Your Happier Life | E108

Last updated: Jun 2, 2023

The video is an interview with Mel Robbins, who shares a simple solution to have a transformative impact on your entire life.

The video is an interview with Mel Robbins, a motivational speaker and author, discussing her simple solution to have a transformative impact on your entire life. The interviewer praises her vulnerability, honesty, and wisdom, and asks about her background and what shaped her into the person she is today. Robbins shares a personal experience of being molested as a child and how it led to her first experience of disassociating, which later became a key factor in her understanding of anxiety and how to overcome it. The interview is emotional and touching, with Robbins shedding tears at one point.

  • Mel Robbins shares a simple solution called the 5 Second Rule to transform your life and cure anxiety.
  • Mel Robbins had great parents and grew up in a small town where she experienced childhood trauma.
  • The 5 Second Rule is a metacognition technique that helps people overcome hesitation and take action.
  • Mel Robbins has helped millions of people transform their lives and has received numerous awards and recognitions for her work.
  • Childhood trauma can have a transformative impact on one's entire life.
  • Talking about trauma can be difficult, but it can also be healing and help others on their own journey of self-discovery.
  • No human being is born hating themselves, and self-care is necessary for well-being.
  • Gratitude is a powerful tool to shift your mindset and improve your well-being.
  • The five-second rule is a tool to help you take action and overcome fear and anxiety.

Mel Robbins: This One Hack Will Unlock Your Happier Life | E108 - YouTube

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Introduction

  • Mel Robbins shares a simple solution to have a transformative impact on your entire life.
  • She has taught this solution to millions of people and it's curing people's anxiety.
  • Mel Robbins is incredibly vulnerable, honest, introspective, and wise.
  • She has written three best-selling books that offer a very simple solution to have a transformative impact on your entire life.
  • Stephen Bartlett interviews Mel Robbins in this podcast.
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Mel Robbins' Childhood

  • Mel Robbins had great parents who did the best that they could with what they were handed in terms of their own childhoods and patterns and thinking.
  • She grew up in a tiny little town where nothing really happened.
  • When she was in the fourth grade, she was at a family kind of ski trip thing and in the middle of the night, she woke up and one of the kids was on top of her molesting her.
  • She didn't remember the experience for a very long time until she was in her late 20s.
  • It was her first experience in her life of what psychologists called disassociating.
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Mel Robbins' Solution

  • Mel Robbins' solution is called the 5 Second Rule.
  • The 5 Second Rule is a simple, research-backed, and life-changing tool that helps people become their best selves.
  • The 5 Second Rule is a metacognition technique that helps people overcome hesitation and take action.
  • The 5 Second Rule is a starting ritual that helps people break the habit of overthinking, procrastination, and self-doubt.
  • The 5 Second Rule is a way to outsmart the brain's tendency to stop us from doing things that are uncomfortable, scary, or new.
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Mel Robbins: This One Hack Will Unlock Your Happier Life | E108 - YouTube

Mel Robbins' Impact

  • Mel Robbins' impact is huge.
  • She has helped millions of people transform their lives.
  • She has given keynote speeches to Fortune 500 companies, TEDx talks, and interviews on major media outlets.
  • She has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, and Success Magazine.
  • She has received numerous awards and recognitions for her work.
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Childhood Trauma and Patterns of Behavior

  • A childhood incident of lying to protect someone set the speaker on a course of struggling with patterns of behavior for decades.
  • The speaker struggled with anxiety, disassociation, and chronic lying.
  • Understanding human behavior and learning new patterns helped the speaker on a journey of self-discovery.
  • The speaker shares what she learned with others.
  • Childhood trauma can have a transformative impact on one's entire life.
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Suppressing Trauma and Triggering Memories

  • The speaker suppressed the childhood incident and forgot about it for years.
  • As an adult, the speaker attended a life improvement seminar where a woman's story triggered a memory of the incident.
  • The speaker realized that she had been physically present in the moment of the incident, but had mentally suppressed it.
  • The speaker immediately told her family and started talking about it.
  • The speaker processes things by talking about them.
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Processing Trauma and Talking About It

  • The speaker is grateful for her ability to process things by talking about them.
  • Once the speaker starts talking, the floodgates open and she tends to process things quickly.
  • Talking about trauma can be difficult, but it can also be healing.
  • Sharing one's experiences with others can help them on their own journey of self-discovery.
  • Processing trauma is a lifelong journey, but it can lead to a happier life.
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Conclusion: Childhood Trauma and Self-Discovery

  • A childhood incident of lying to protect someone set the speaker on a course of struggling with patterns of behavior for decades.
  • The speaker suppressed the incident and forgot about it for years, but a triggering moment helped her remember.
  • The speaker is grateful for her ability to process things by talking about them and shares what she learned with others.
  • Processing trauma is a lifelong journey, but it can lead to a happier life.
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The Fundamental Flaw in Human Design

  • When something happens to a child, they don't have the life experience or support structure to process it.
  • Children often blame themselves for what happens to them.
  • This thinking pattern can continue into adulthood.
  • No human being is born hating themselves.
  • Children are wired for self-love, self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-respect.
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The Power of the Five Second Rule

  • The five-second rule is a tool to help you take action and overcome fear and anxiety.
  • Counting backward from five to one interrupts your negative thought patterns.
  • It helps you shift your focus from your thoughts to your body and take action.
  • The five-second rule is a form of metacognition, which is thinking about your thinking.
  • It helps you take control of your thoughts and behavior.
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The Importance of Taking Care of Yourself

  • Self-care is not selfish; it's necessary for your well-being.
  • You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first.
  • Self-care is about setting boundaries and saying no to things that don't serve you.
  • It's also about doing things that bring you joy and fulfillment.
  • Self-care is a practice that requires consistency and commitment.
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The Power of Gratitude

  • Gratitude is a powerful tool to shift your mindset and improve your well-being.
  • It helps you focus on what you have instead of what you lack.
  • Gratitude can improve your relationships, health, and happiness.
  • Practicing gratitude can be as simple as writing down three things you're grateful for every day.
  • It's important to cultivate a mindset of gratitude and appreciate the small things in life.
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Childhood Trauma and Patterns

  • Chaotic households can lead to patterns of behavior to protect oneself.
  • Patterns of behavior get locked in the brain.
  • Trauma is deeply personal and can happen to anyone.
  • Trauma is a moment when the nervous system gets dysregulated.
  • When the nervous system goes into a state of alarm, the brain records everything in hyperspeed.
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Developmental Moments

  • There is a moment in elementary school when the brain flips into the sorting hat from Harry Potter.
  • The brain starts to see the world in the places that you belong and the places that you don't.
  • The message that you start to get from your own brain or from society at large or from what's going on in your household is that who you are is not okay.
  • It is a way to protect you, but it can also be damaging.
  • It can lead to anxiety and a chronic state of feeling on alert.
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Personal Struggles

  • Mel Robbins struggled with anxiety for a long time.
  • She was not comfortable in her own body.
  • Any pattern of behavior or thinking that you start to repeat becomes a habit.
  • Habits are just patterns.
  • She developed a chronic state of feeling on alert because of one incident.
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Conclusion

  • Childhood trauma and developmental moments can lead to patterns of behavior that get locked in the brain.
  • These patterns can lead to anxiety and a chronic state of feeling on alert.
  • It is important to recognize these patterns and work to break them.
  • Breaking these patterns can lead to a happier life.
  • It is possible to change your brain and your life.
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The Importance of Calming Your Nervous System

  • Being in a constant state of fight or flight can lead to anxiety and difficulty focusing.
  • Calming your nervous system is essential for being present and making good decisions.
  • Not knowing how to calm your nervous system can lead to a lifetime of struggling with anxiety.
  • Being in a constant state of fight or flight can cause physical symptoms such as a nervous stomach.
  • Learning how to calm your nervous system can become your new normal.
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Living with Anxiety

  • As a child, Mel Robbins was constantly anxious and homesick.
  • Her anxiety caused physical symptoms such as disassociation and a rattled stomach.
  • Being anxious and unable to focus can lead to not eating, which can further upset your stomach.
  • Anxiety can cause a spiral train wreck of negative thoughts and physical symptoms.
  • Living with anxiety can cause you to constantly feel like something bad is going to happen and to not be present.
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Making Choices with Anxiety

  • Living in survival mode can make it difficult to make choices and figure out your calling.
  • Anxiety can cause you to constantly be on the move and not take a pause to listen to yourself.
  • The pandemic forced Mel Robbins to slow down and truly face herself.
  • Constantly being on the move can be a form of distraction and procrastination from confronting yourself.
  • Slowing down and being still can help you figure out what you really want and how you want to feel.
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Confronting Yourself

  • Being constantly on the move can keep you from truly facing yourself and your issues.
  • Confronting yourself can lead to great realizations and healing.
  • Distraction and procrastination can be forms of avoiding confronting yourself.
  • Being still and figuring out what you really want and how you want to feel is essential for personal growth.
  • Confronting yourself can be difficult, but it is necessary for healing and personal growth.
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Importance of Self-Reflection

  • Asking existential questions can be illuminating.
  • Short-term defense mechanisms can prevent self-reflection.
  • Layers of healing can be necessary to fully address issues.
  • Talking about traumatic experiences is important for healing.
  • Understanding the connection between mind, body, and spirit is crucial.
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The Nervous System and Physical Intervention

  • Talking yourself out of a problem may not be enough.
  • Physical interventions may be necessary to address disruptions in the nervous system.
  • Trauma is a physical experience, not just a mental one.
  • Personal experiences can impact the nervous system and brain.
  • Understanding the connection between physical and mental health is important.
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The Importance of Healing the Nervous System

  • Healing the nervous system is crucial for true healing.
  • Layers of healing may be necessary to fully address issues.
  • Understanding the connection between mind, body, and spirit is crucial.
  • Physical interventions may be necessary to address disruptions in the nervous system.
  • Trauma is a physical experience, not just a mental one.
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Personal Experience with Trauma

  • Trauma can have a lasting impact on the nervous system.
  • Personal experiences can impact the nervous system and brain.
  • Trauma is a physical experience, not just a mental one.
  • Understanding the connection between physical and mental health is important.
  • Physical interventions may be necessary to address disruptions in the nervous system.
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Understanding Trauma

  • Trauma is a disruption in your nervous system that sends your brain into a mode where it records everything it can possibly grab as a way to protect you in the future.
  • Patterns of behavior get triggered by smell, sound, music, and patterns of thinking.
  • Understanding trauma is the missing piece to be able to start to truly reset not only your nervous system but also the default patterns in your mind.
  • Replacing the "what if" with "what if it all works out" can stop the cascade of negative thoughts.
  • It's not easy to change patterns of thinking because we're so used to thinking a certain way.
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Accepting and Rejecting Thoughts

  • Feelings are made suggestions that you can ignore.
  • Our thoughts are not ourselves, and that is not an instruction from ourselves.
  • You can analyze a thought and accept or reject it.
  • You can be two things at once, such as feeling frustrated with someone and loving them at the same time.
  • Understanding that you're not just one thing gives you the freedom to ride the waves.
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Managing Emotions

  • Emotions are suggestions and can be dismantled.
  • Remind yourself that emotions are temporary.
  • Recognize that something better is coming.
  • Gain perspective and endure difficult situations.
  • Ride the waves of emotions and come out on the other side.
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Fuel for Health

  • Fuel is a nutritionally complete drink that provides everything you need for your diet.
  • It contains 20 grams of protein, 26 vitamins and minerals, and is low in sugar and high in fiber.
  • Fuel is the cure for many health issues in personal and wider society.
  • Try the world berry ready to drink, mac and cheese, cinnamon, or banana flavor.
  • Get healthy and share your favorite flavor on Instagram.
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Overcoming Trauma: Mental Work

  • Combat negative thoughts by interrupting and replacing them.
  • Understand anxiety and study it to gain a deeper understanding.
  • Anxiety is an alarm system in your body that signals danger.
  • Recognize when the threat is over and return to a calm state.
  • Use medication as a ladder to climb out of a hole, but also recognize when it's time to try something new.
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Overcoming Trauma: Emotional Work

  • Recognize that emotions are not permanent and can be managed.
  • Use the five-second rule to interrupt negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.
  • Practice gratitude and focus on what you have instead of what you don't have.
  • Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up.
  • Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
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Understanding Panic Attacks

  • When experiencing a panic attack, the body goes into fight or flight mode.
  • The blood rushes to major organs, leaving the digestive tract, causing stomach gurgling.
  • Butterflies in the stomach are not a sign of impending death, but a change in digestive chemistry.
  • The mind escalates the physical sensations, causing the body to freak out more.
  • A panic attack is an emergency break designed to remove oneself from the situation.
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Reframing Performance Anxiety

  • There is no physiological difference between being nervous and being excited.
  • The same physiological experience happens during excitement and nervousness.
  • The only difference is what the brain is saying about what's happening.
  • Tricking the brain to believe that you're excited when you're nervous can impact your ability to perform.
  • People who were taught to say "I'm so excited" outperformed those who had no tools.
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The Science Behind Reframing

  • Chemistry, physiology, and neurology explain why reframing works.
  • When too nervous, the body stays in fight or flight mode, causing thoughts to spin.
  • Reframing tricks the brain into believing that the situation is exciting, calming the body down.
  • Reframing can be used in any situation, from public speaking to job interviews.
  • Reframing is a simple and effective tool to improve performance and reduce anxiety.
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How to Reframe

  • Identify the physical sensations of nervousness.
  • Label the sensations as excitement instead of nervousness.
  • Repeat the phrase "I'm so excited" to trick the brain into believing it.
  • Visualize a successful outcome to reinforce the positive mindset.
  • Practice reframing regularly to make it a habit.
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The Hack to Unlock Your Happier Life

  • When you say "I'm excited" even if you feel nervous, your brain buys it and doesn't release cortisol, which allows you to focus on what you need to do.
  • Before you have to do something that makes you nervous, come up with anything that you can grab onto that makes you excited about what you're doing.
  • Think of something you're excited to do when you get to your destination.
  • Your mind locks on to this thing that makes sense because you're going to your destination.
  • It took Mel Robbins about five or six times of doing it, and she stopped having any kind of anxiety whatsoever about flying.
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Making the Future a Nice Place

  • Anxiety is a concern about the future.
  • You're making the future a really nice place, so your brain is saying the future is really pleasant.
  • You're hijacking the negative trigger and turning it into a positive one.
  • For most people, butterflies in your stomach is a trigger that makes you believe something bad's about to happen.
  • The physical sensation of your stomach being upset triggers negative thought patterns.
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The Number One Fear in Kids

  • The number one fear in kids is throwing up.
  • The trigger of your stomach rumbling or butterflies triggers that fear.
  • There's been a lifetime negative association with having butterflies.
  • You've hijacked the negative trigger and turned it into a positive one.
  • You've taken a very common experience that's a negative trigger for people and turned it into a positive one.
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The Impact of the Hack

  • The hack is curing people's anxiety.
  • Therapists are using this around the world.
  • It has a transformative impact on your entire life.
  • It took Mel Robbins from being deathly afraid of flying to being able to take off on the speaking circuit.
  • It's really interesting how many different ways your brain can be rewired to think differently.
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Patterns and Cycles

  • Feelings and behaviors are learned patterns.
  • Breaking negative patterns can create positive cycles.
  • Confidence can be built through positive reinforcement.
  • It is easier to fall into negative cycles than to build positive ones.
  • Hijacking negative patterns can be a solution to breaking them.
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The Five-Second Rule

  • The Five-Second Rule is a tool for building new habits.
  • It is based on the idea that if you don't like a new habit, it won't stick.
  • Research shows that it takes 21-63 days for a new habit to stick.
  • The Five-Second Rule can help overcome fear, anxiety, and other negative emotions.
  • The rule involves counting down from five and taking action before the countdown ends.
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Personal Experience

  • Mel Robbins found herself in a difficult situation with debt and unemployment.
  • She experienced anxiety, depression, and negative behaviors.
  • Knowing what to do is easy, but making yourself do it is the hard part.
  • Robbins realized she needed to build a ladder to get out of her hole.
  • The Five-Second Rule was born out of her personal experience.
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The Power of Patterns

  • Patterns can be broken and replaced with new ones.
  • Changing your life is about breaking patterns and replacing them.
  • Looking at life through the lens of patterns can make it less personal.
  • Breaking patterns can lead to positive cycles and increased confidence.
  • It is important to recognize that you are not broken, but your patterns may be.
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Divine Intervention

  • Mel Robbins was stuck in broken patterns and didn't know how to change her life.
  • One night, she saw a rocket ship launch on TV and decided to launch herself out of bed like a rocket ship the next morning.
  • She did it and it changed her life.
  • She believes that you are one decision away from a different life.
  • She launched herself out of bed using the 5-second rule.
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The 5-Second Rule

  • The 5-second rule is a bias toward action that helps you overcome hesitation.
  • It's a window of hesitation that's about 5 seconds long.
  • Inside this window of hesitation lives anxiety, procrastination, fear, imposter syndrome, and overwhelm.
  • The moment you have an instinct to move, you have to do it within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it.
  • Counting backwards from 5 to 1 interrupts habit loops stored in your basal ganglia and requires focus, awakening your prefrontal cortex.
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Using the 5-Second Rule

  • Mel Robbins used the 5-second rule in secret for 3 years.
  • She used it whenever she didn't feel like doing something she knew she needed to do.
  • She counted backwards from 5 to 1 and then did the thing she needed to do.
  • She used it to be a better mom, wife, and person.
  • She believes that the 5-second rule is a cheat code for your brain.
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