Psychotherapist's Hacks on How to Change Your Life | Lori Gottlieb on Impact Theory

Last updated: Jun 1, 2023

The video is an interview with psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb, discussing her book and the power of therapy to help people get unstuck from faulty narratives and make choices that serve them better.

The video is an interview with psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb, discussing her book and her approach to therapy. Gottlieb explains that her book follows the lives of four of her patients and one of herself, as she goes through something in life and then goes to her own therapist. She believes that telling stories is more powerful than just giving advice because people see themselves reflected in them. Gottlieb's approach to therapy is to help people revise their faulty narrative so that they can move forward and make choices that serve them. She believes that people have agency over their own lives and can make choices every moment of every day. The video also touches on the malleability of personality and how therapy can help people get unstuck from their rigid self-narrative.

  • The video is an interview with psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb.
  • The interview discusses her book and the power of therapy to help people get unstuck from faulty narratives and make choices that serve them better.
  • The book follows the lives of four of Gottlieb's patients and a fifth patient who is Gottlieb herself.
  • Gottlieb wanted to tell stories because she feels that people see themselves reflected most clearly through the lens of other people's stories.
  • Therapy can help people get unstuck from faulty narratives and make choices that serve them better.
  • People come to therapy with a story that they are very sure is an accurate version of the story, but it's just a version of the story.
  • We're born with a certain temperament, but there's so much room for change.
  • Therapy can help people achieve freedom and change.
  • Self-compassion is essential for change.

Psychotherapist's Hacks on How to Change Your Life | Lori Gottlieb on Impact Theory - YouTube

Psychotherapist

Introduction and Background

  • The video is an interview with psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb.
  • The interview discusses her book and the power of therapy to help people get unstuck from faulty narratives and make choices that serve them better.
  • The book follows the lives of four of Gottlieb's patients and a fifth patient who is Gottlieb herself.
  • Gottlieb wanted to tell stories because she feels that people see themselves reflected most clearly through the lens of other people's stories.
  • Therapy can help people get unstuck from faulty narratives and make choices that serve them better.
Psychotherapist

Getting Unstuck

  • People come to therapy with a story that they are very sure is an accurate version of the story, but it's just a version of the story.
  • There's so much more to the story, and the reason that people are stuck is that there's something faulty about their narrative.
  • Therapy can help people revise the story, the faulty narrative that they came in with, so that they can move forward.
  • People don't realize how much agency they have over their own lives.
  • We all make choices every moment of every day, and sometimes we make choices that don't serve us.
Psychotherapist

Personality and Change

  • We're born with a certain temperament, but there's so much room for change.
  • People don't realize how much agency they have over their own lives.
  • We all make choices every moment of every day, and sometimes we make choices that don't serve us.
  • People make choices all the time about what they want to do, even things like wanting a different job or relationship.
  • People can get stuck in help-rejecting complaining, where they reject suggestions for change because they feel they can't do it.
Psychotherapist

Psychotherapist's Hacks on How to Change Your Life | Lori Gottlieb on Impact Theory - YouTube

Approach to Therapy

  • People come to therapy because they're stuck, and their narrative is not working.
  • The approach is not to give people a new narrative but to help them revise their own narrative.
  • The therapist's job is to be an editor, helping people revise the story they came in with so that they can move forward.
  • The therapist needs to confront the stuckness head-on and help people see the faulty narrative that's keeping them stuck.
  • The therapist needs to help people see that they have agency over their own lives and can make choices that serve them better.
Psychotherapist

Challenges in Therapy

  • People often come to therapy wanting something to change, but they want someone or something else to change.
  • Therapy is not just about downloading problems and blaming others, but about understanding one's role in the problem.
  • Difficult circumstances or people can impact one's life, but it's important to recognize one's response and contribution to the situation.
  • Change involves loss and uncertainty, which can be uncomfortable and difficult to tolerate.
  • There is a misconception that making a decision to change automatically leads to change, but there are several steps involved before and after the decision.
Psychotherapist

Freedom and Change

  • Therapy can help people achieve freedom and change.
  • Freedom involves letting go of old narratives and beliefs that no longer serve us.
  • Change is difficult because it involves loss and uncertainty.
  • Change is a process that involves several steps, including pre-contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance.
  • Maintenance is the most important step in making change, as it involves maintaining the change and getting back on track after slipping back.
Psychotherapist

Helping People Change

  • Timing and dosage are important in helping people get comfortable with the willingness to change.
  • Therapists need to plant seeds and gradually introduce the idea of change, rather than forcing it on the client.
  • Big transformations often come from tiny, imperceptible steps taken along the way.
  • Therapy can help people recognize the changes that have occurred and continue to make progress towards their goals.
Psychotherapist

Conclusion

  • Therapy can help people get unstuck from faulty narratives and make choices that serve them better.
  • Change is difficult, but it is a process that involves several steps and can lead to freedom and a better life.
  • Therapists can help people change by planting seeds and gradually introducing the idea of change, and by recognizing and celebrating the small steps taken towards progress.
Psychotherapist

Beliefs for Success

  • Human potential is nearly limitless.
  • You can do anything you set your mind to without limitation.
  • We do that which moves us towards our goals, not away from them.
  • Skills have utility, and you can gain new skills.
  • The average human is an adaptation machine.
Psychotherapist

Self-Compassion

  • Self-compassion is essential for change.
  • People often hold themselves back due to negative self-talk.
  • Self-flagellation is not necessary for accountability.
  • Self-compassion allows for accountability without shame.
  • Noticing how you talk to yourself is crucial for developing self-compassion.
Psychotherapist

Developing Self-Compassion

  • Replace negative self-talk with affirming and gentle language.
  • Don't accept guilt or shame from others.
  • Recognize that you don't have to sign for negative self-talk.
  • Practice self-talk that is kind and gentle.
  • Be aware of how you talk to yourself and make changes as necessary.
Psychotherapist

Therapy and Change

  • Therapy can help people get unstuck from faulty narratives.
  • Therapy can help people make choices that serve them better.
  • Self-compassion is crucial for change, and therapy can help develop it.
  • Noticing negative self-talk is an essential early step in therapy.
  • Therapy can help people develop skills and gain new ones.
Psychotherapist

Controlling Negative Self-Talk

  • Recognize negative self-talk as a separate voice in your head.
  • Don't invite the negative voice in, kindly ask it to leave.
  • Be aware of the constant negative self-talk we engage in.
  • Exercise control over negative self-talk.
  • Don't say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend.
Psychotherapist

Eclectic Approach to Therapy

  • Focus on the present moment in the therapy room.
  • Use the therapy room as a safe space to explore behavior.
  • Give people cognitive-behavioral therapy-like exercises to do.
  • Assign actionable homework to reframe behavior.
  • Homework assignments are specific to the person's situation.
Psychotherapist

Freedom of Choice

  • Between stimulus and response, there is a space where we have a choice.
  • Reacting impulsively leads to chaos.
  • Take a breath to give yourself space to choose how to respond.
  • Changing your behavior can lead to a different way of being.
  • Changing your behavior can lead to a change in the behavior of others.
Psychotherapist

Perspective Taking

  • People are invested in their version of their story.
  • Write out the other person's version of the story.
  • Ask people to perspective take to gain a new understanding of a situation.
  • Gain a new perspective to reframe behavior.
  • Gain a new perspective to improve relationships.
Psychotherapist

Empathy Exercise

  • Validating both versions of a story
  • Imagining the other person's perspective
  • Attributing motives and intentions to others that may not be there
  • Writing out the other person's version of the story
  • Finding places of overlap and agreement
Psychotherapist

Perspective Taking Exercise

  • Assuming the other person's intentions were good
  • Identifying the problem that triggered them
  • Putting in a lot of detail to get into their mindset
  • Learning about yourself and your assumptions
  • Getting warm feelings toward the other person
Psychotherapist

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Psychotherapist's Hacks on How to Change Your Life | Lori Gottlieb on Impact Theory - YouTube

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