The 3 KEY SIGNS That Relationship Will Last! (How To Find Love) | Lewis Howes & Jay Shetty

Last updated: Jun 1, 2023

The video discusses the possibility of being in a long-lasting, exclusive relationship and explores the challenges and misconceptions surrounding it.

The video is a conversation between Lewis Howes and Jay Shetty about the three key signs that a relationship will last. They discuss the challenges that come with being in a long-term relationship and the importance of renewing promises and commitments on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. They also explore the idea of exclusivity and whether it's possible to love one person for your entire life. The conversation is meant to encourage viewers to have open and honest conversations about their relationships and to share their thoughts and experiences with others.

  • Renewing promise and commitment is key to a long-lasting relationship.
  • Real life has challenges such as long-distance, breakups, and distractions.
  • Communication and honesty are essential for a long-lasting relationship.
  • Both partners are committed to personal growth and development.
  • Both partners have a shared vision and goals for the future.
  • Both partners prioritize the relationship and make time for each other.
  • Recognizing unhealthy patterns in relationships is important for personal growth.
  • Building a conscious relationship involves defining what love means to you and having conscious conversations about values and vision.
  • It's important to make conscious choices about relationships and avoid making assumptions.

The 3 KEY SIGNS That Relationship Will Last! (How To Find Love) | Lewis Howes & Jay Shetty - YouTube

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Introduction

  • Renewing promise and commitment is key to a long-lasting relationship
  • Video explores challenges and misconceptions surrounding long-lasting relationships
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Is it possible to love one person for your entire life?

  • Movies and media portray a fantasy of finding the one and living happily ever after
  • Real life has challenges such as long-distance, breakups, and distractions
  • Some people are in open relationships or polyamorous relationships
  • Some people are happily married for decades, while others are unhappily married for decades
  • Questioning the possibility of loving one person for life
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Personal experiences with love and relationships

  • Grew up as a hopeless romantic based on movies and music
  • Believed in the Hollywood portrayal of love
  • Realized that past relationships did not feel like the movies
  • Questioning the validity of the Hollywood portrayal of love
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The 3 KEY SIGNS That Relationship Will Last! (How To Find Love) | Lewis Howes & Jay Shetty - YouTube

Key signs of a long-lasting relationship

  • Communication and honesty are essential
  • Both partners are committed to personal growth and development
  • Both partners have a shared vision and goals for the future
  • Both partners prioritize the relationship and make time for each other
  • Both partners are willing to work through challenges and conflicts together
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Defining Love

  • Defining what love means to you is important in a long-term relationship.
  • Some people define love as attraction and desire, which can lead to wanting a new person every month or year.
  • There are different levels of desire, including conscious healthy desire and unhealthy explosive desire.
  • Desire deepens over time and becomes about deeper connection.
  • Unhealthy desire can come from trauma bonding and lack of foundation in values and agreements.
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The Chase and Conquest

  • The chase and conquest can be addictive and like a chemical drug.
  • It can be fun to pursue someone you're attracted to, but it's not fulfilling if it's unconscious.
  • Creating a foundation based on values, vision, and lifestyle is important for a healthy long-term relationship.
  • Conscious conversations about values, mission, and lifestyle can set a relationship up for success.
  • Choosing between a long-term relationship or the chase is a personal decision.
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Recognizing Unhealthy Patterns

  • Recognizing unhealthy patterns in relationships is important for personal growth.
  • Unhealthy patterns can include trauma bonding, lack of foundation in values and agreements, and unconscious pursuit.
  • Personal growth can come from recognizing and changing these patterns.
  • Choosing a partner who aligns with your values and vision can lead to a healthy long-term relationship.
  • Conscious conversations about values and vision can help recognize unhealthy patterns early on.
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Building a Conscious Relationship

  • Building a conscious relationship involves defining what love means to you and having conscious conversations about values and vision.
  • It's important to choose a partner who aligns with your values and vision for a healthy long-term relationship.
  • Personal growth and recognizing unhealthy patterns can lead to a stronger relationship.
  • Desire deepens over time and becomes about deeper connection.
  • Creating a foundation based on values, vision, and lifestyle is important for a healthy long-term relationship.
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Challenges and Misconceptions of Relationships

  • There are gifts and pain points in both new and long-term relationships.
  • Marriage and religion often enforce the belief that one must stay with their partner for life.
  • People stay in relationships for too long due to shame, guilt, or fear of making a mistake.
  • Breakups and divorces are not fun and can cause a lot of pain.
  • Relationships can be messy and require effort to maintain.
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The Importance of Relationship Therapy

  • Starting a relationship in therapy can set couples up for success.
  • Success in a relationship is two individuals independently living their lives and sharing their lives together.
  • Having the freedom and flexibility to be yourself and be in the relationship is important.
  • Relationships can look different in different seasons of life.
  • It's important to ask why one wants to be exclusive to one person and if it serves their vision for their life.
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The Benefits and Challenges of Dating Multiple People

  • Dating multiple people can be exciting and provide variety.
  • Rejecting every person one is not going to be with can be challenging and cause hurt.
  • Dating multiple people requires a lot of energy and effort.
  • It can pull one away from their health, other relationships, or building something deeper and more meaningful.
  • Having one deeper relationship can be more fulfilling and meaningful than having multiple surface-level relationships.
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The Importance of Knowing What Type of Life You Want

  • Everyone has to know what type of life they're signing up for.
  • One doesn't have to love one person for the rest of their life.
  • For some, dedicating their life to someone only to have them leave can be devastating.
  • It's important to make conscious choices about relationships and avoid making assumptions.
  • One should look in the mirror and ask why they want a relationship and if it serves their vision for their life.
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The Challenges of Polyamory

  • Having multiple partners at the same time can lead to emotional breakdowns.
  • Dealing with one person's emotions is hard enough, let alone two or more.
  • People often turn to polyamory because they are scared of being codependent.
  • Instead of figuring out the root cause of codependency, they believe that having more partners will solve the problem.
  • People in polyamorous relationships may be missing the support, peace, and structure that they desire.
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The Importance of Conscious Effort in Relationships

  • It is possible to create connection, chemistry, and desire with one person through conscious effort.
  • Therapy can help couples establish agreements and feel peaceful in the relationship.
  • Conscious conversations about important topics such as children and finances are crucial before marriage.
  • Relationships are an ongoing conversation that is always changing and evolving.
  • It is important to be honest about where you are at and what you want in the relationship.
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The Limitations of External Solutions

  • There is no external solution that can solve internal trauma and pain.
  • Being with one person or multiple people cannot cure codependency or other issues.
  • It is important to figure out what you really want and communicate that to your partner.
  • Relationships are not about making promises or commitments, but rather ongoing conversations.
  • It is important to be open and honest about your desires and intentions in the relationship.
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The Importance of Communication and Honesty

  • Communication is key in any relationship.
  • It is important to have conscious conversations about important topics before making commitments.
  • People and circumstances change, so relationships require ongoing communication and honesty.
  • It is unhealthy to avoid discussing important topics out of fear or discomfort.
  • Being open and honest about your desires and intentions can help avoid misunderstandings and conflicts in the relationship.
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Regular Check-Ins

  • Having regular conversations about the relationship is key to making it last.
  • Checking in every day, week, month, or year can help address issues and improve the relationship.
  • Making a lifelong decision is a recipe for failure.
  • It's important to have conversations about growth and improvement.
  • Creating a promise to love someone for the rest of your life is unrealistic.
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Direction of the Relationship

  • Regularly asking if the relationship is going in the direction you want is important.
  • If it's not going in the right direction, are you willing to change?
  • Having these conversations every couple of weeks, months, or quarters is healthy.
  • Establishing uncomfortable conversations early on in the relationship makes it easier to have them later.
  • Not having these conversations can lead to living a life for years that you don't want.
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High Engagement, Low Attachment

  • Relationships should be about high engagement and low attachment.
  • It's difficult to achieve high engagement and low attachment.
  • Many people have high engagement and high attachment or low engagement and high attachment.
  • Learning how to heal from past relationships and childhood wounds can help with attachment issues.
  • Being clear about your vision, values, and lifestyle can help with alignment in the relationship.
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Conscious Foundation

  • Revealing past mistakes and learning from them can help create a conscious foundation in the relationship.
  • Regular therapy and coaching can also help with creating a conscious foundation.
  • Being honest and not sacrificing your truth is important in the relationship.
  • Having a conscious foundation can help the relationship last for years.
  • Regular check-ins and conversations about the direction of the relationship can help maintain a conscious foundation.
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Importance of Healing and Conscious Conversations

  • Healing the wounds of the past is crucial before entering a new relationship.
  • Having conscious conversations early on in the relationship is helpful.
  • Starting therapy when there are no problems can be extremely beneficial.
  • Continuing the healing journey and having ongoing conscious conversations is important.
  • Planting a seed, watering it, and caring for it is similar to nurturing a relationship.
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Relationships Should Be About Growth and Learning

  • A long relationship does not necessarily mean a successful one.
  • A successful relationship involves growing, thriving, and learning together.
  • Being open to the fact that a relationship may reach a point where there is no more growth, learning, or thriving is important.
  • Recognizing when a relationship has had its season and being willing to change something is crucial.
  • Individual work is necessary for personal development and growth, which contributes to a healthy relationship.
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