Jay Shetty: The 3 Simple Things A Happy Life Needs | E119

Last updated: Jun 2, 2023

The video is an interview with Jay Shetty, a former monk and social media influencer, discussing the importance of internal happiness and compassion, and how his childhood experiences shaped his perspective.

The video is an interview with Jay Shetty, a former monk and social media influencer, discussing the three simple things that a happy life needs. Shetty talks about the importance of understanding that happiness comes from within and not from external factors such as job or relationship changes. He also shares his personal experiences growing up in London and how his role as a mediator in his parents' marriage taught him compassion and the ability to see both sides of a situation. The interview is conducted by Stephen Bartlett, CEO of Social Chain, and the two discuss their shared experiences and perspectives on life.

  • Jay Shetty emphasizes the importance of internal happiness and compassion.
  • Changing one's environment won't necessarily improve one's life.
  • Childhood experiences shape one's perspective and behavior patterns.
  • Recognizing accountability and focusing on personal growth are key steps in breaking the cycle of repeating uncomfortable childhood traits.
  • Steps to self-awareness include identifying patterns in difficult times and pinpointing behaviors.
  • Journaling, talking to oneself, and being present are practical day-to-day habits for self-reflection.
  • Being present and spending time alone are necessary for cultivating self-compassion and self-love.
  • Compassion is the foundation of happiness and can be learned and developed.
  • Self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and development.

Jay Shetty: The 3 Simple Things A Happy Life Needs | E119 - YouTube

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Introduction

  • Jay Shetty is a former monk and social media influencer.
  • He believes that internal happiness and compassion are important.
  • He wanted to share meditation at scale with the world.
  • Changing your environment won't necessarily improve your life.
  • Happiness is created day to day.
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Jay Shetty's Background

  • Jay Shetty is a household name all around the world.
  • Becoming a monk helped him find himself.
  • Through service, he has touched the lives of billions of people through social media.
  • Jay and the interviewer have a connection that is truly special.
  • They have walked different paths in their lives.
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Formative Years

  • Jay mediated his parents' marriage when he was younger.
  • He was their go-to person for their challenges and issues.
  • He never wanted to take a side or make one of them win and one of them lose.
  • He saw them both as two humans who were trying their best but were naturally flawed and fallible.
  • This gave him a sense of compassion that runs through to today for himself and others.
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Jay Shetty: The 3 Simple Things A Happy Life Needs | E119 - YouTube

Compassion and Happiness

  • Compassion is the foundation of happiness.
  • It's important to have compassion for yourself and others.
  • Compassion allows you to see the world in a different way.
  • It's important to have a daily practice of compassion.
  • Compassion can be learned and developed.
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Childhood experiences shaping perspective

  • Childhood experiences shape our perspective and behavior patterns.
  • We either unconsciously or consciously repeat or avoid what we saw in our childhood.
  • It's important to look internally and identify uncomfortable traits adopted from childhood.
  • Spotting subconscious behavior patterns is the first step to breaking the cycle.
  • Experiencing conflict with someone is an opportunity to ask, "What part of this have I created for myself?"
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Recognizing accountability

  • Blaming others for conflict is a societal norm, but it's important to recognize accountability.
  • Asking, "What part of this am I responsible for?" is uncomfortable but necessary.
  • Understanding that there is no all or nothing, but rather all parts.
  • Identifying one's part in the conflict is the first step in understanding it.
  • Recognizing accountability allows for personal growth and development.
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Focusing on personal growth

  • Identifying one's part in the conflict allows for focus on personal growth.
  • Focusing on what skill is missing or what growth hasn't been achieved.
  • Identifying what part of life feels incomplete and causes incomplete behavior with others.
  • Over-sacrificing or over-giving can be a result of trying to demand love and validation from others.
  • Realizing the need to give love and validation to oneself.
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Breaking the cycle

  • Breaking the cycle of repeating uncomfortable childhood traits is necessary for personal growth and happiness.
  • Recognizing accountability and focusing on personal growth are key steps in breaking the cycle.
  • Identifying and addressing subconscious behavior patterns is crucial.
  • Breaking the cycle allows for a happier and more fulfilling life.
  • Breaking the cycle requires self-reflection and a willingness to change.
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Steps to Self-Awareness

  • Realize that whatever you want from someone else, give it to yourself first.
  • Plot the three most difficult times in your life and identify patterns.
  • Ask yourself what the environment was like and who you were listening to during good and poor decision-making moments.
  • Spot your pattern and find your own way to self-awareness.
  • Pinpoint a point where you were below your expectation and a point where you were above your expectation.
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Practical Day-to-Day Habit

  • Journaling and voice notes are helpful for self-reflection.
  • Talking to oneself while driving is a powerful way to pinpoint behaviors.
  • Pinpoint a point where you were below your expectation and a point where you were above your expectation.
  • Being present in your own mind, body, and heart is crucial for self-awareness.
  • Spending time alone is necessary for having these conversations with oneself.
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The Importance of Being Present

  • Most people distract themselves from being present in their own minds and bodies.
  • Many people struggle with the idea of being alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes.
  • Being present is necessary for self-awareness.
  • Spending time alone is the only place where you get to have these conversations with oneself.
  • Being present helps to identify patterns and behaviors.
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Self-Compassion and Self-Love

  • Self-compassion and self-love are crucial for internal happiness.
  • Whatever you want from someone else, give it to yourself first.
  • Compliments and validation from others will never be enough if you never gave it to yourself in the first place.
  • Self-awareness is necessary for self-compassion and self-love.
  • Being present and spending time alone helps to cultivate self-compassion and self-love.
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The Value of Solitude

  • Loneliness and solitude are two different things.
  • Solitude is the strength of being alone, while loneliness is the weakness.
  • Being alone feels like abandonment, which creates a feeling of being enamored and being forced to admire being together.
  • All of our self-worth since we were young has been defined by whether we have people around us.
  • As a society, we need to unlearn the conditioning that being alone means being lonely and abandoned.
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Celebrating Ourselves

  • Major life events like weddings and proms are based around having someone else there to celebrate us.
  • We have lost the idea of celebrating ourselves.
  • We need to learn to celebrate ourselves and spend time alone intentionally.
  • Being alone does not mean we are not good enough.
  • We need to recognize that there is a middle ground between being alone and being surrounded by people.
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Prehistoric Conditioning vs. Social Construct

  • Prehistorically, being without a tribe would have made someone less attractive from a reproductive standpoint and put them in great danger.
  • Socially, we have equated solitude or loneliness with isolation, seclusion, and separation.
  • We need to recognize that spending time every day in solitude is not the same as never talking to anyone or never going to a party.
  • We need to be intentional about who we spend our time with and recognize that being alone and being surrounded by people are not conflicting ideas.
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The Importance of Self-Reflection

  • Being alone with our thoughts allows us to work through our emotions and be happy with ourselves.
  • Many people struggle with being alone with their thoughts because they have equated loneliness with abandonment.
  • We need to learn to sit alone with our thoughts and practice self-contemplation.
  • Spending time in silence and self-reflection can be the most beautiful thing we can do.
  • We need to unlearn the conditioning that being alone with our thoughts is a negative thing.
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The Importance of Surrounding Yourself with Good People

  • People often discuss the importance of the company you keep.
  • Surrounding yourself with people that have good values is important.
  • There are four pillars of relationships: care, competence, consistency, and character.
  • Every person in your life should be able to give you at least one of these four characteristics.
  • Very rarely will one person give you all four.
  • If you're lucky, you might have a few people in your life that give you two or three.
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The Four Pillars of Relationships

  • Care: Someone who cares for you and wants to make sure you're safe and healthy.
  • Competence: Someone who has the knowledge and experience to give you advice in a certain area.
  • Character: Someone who holds you to higher values and helps you grow with greater integrity.
  • Consistency: Someone who is always there for you and can be relied on.
  • Very rarely will one person give you all four.
  • If you're lucky, you might have a few people in your life that give you two or three.
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The Problem with Looking for Divinity in Humanity

  • One of the biggest mistakes we make as humans is looking for divinity in humanity.
  • When you seek divinity in humanity, you're left with insecurity and anxiety because no one fulfills that divine search.
  • Appreciate people for exactly what they bring to your life.
  • Don't look for which characteristic they don't have.
  • Surround yourself with people who have good values and are equally ambitious.
  • It's important to have people in your life who are your compass.
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The Importance of Solitude

  • Solitude is being comfortable spending time with yourself for a few moments a day.
  • It's important to enjoy your own company.
  • You don't have to go live in a forest and be away from everyone to experience solitude.
  • Spending time with yourself can help you find internal happiness and compassion.
  • Childhood experiences can shape your perspective on the importance of internal happiness and compassion.
  • It's important to take time for yourself to reflect and recharge.
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The Importance of Internal Happiness and Compassion

  • Jay Shetty emphasizes the importance of internal happiness and compassion.
  • He believes that external success does not necessarily lead to happiness.
  • He shares his experience of being a monk and how it taught him the importance of compassion.
  • He believes that compassion is not just about being kind to others, but also being kind to oneself.
  • He encourages people to focus on their internal happiness and to practice self-care.
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The Role of Childhood Experiences in Shaping Perspective

  • Jay Shetty discusses how his childhood experiences shaped his perspective.
  • He grew up in a multicultural environment and was exposed to different religions and cultures.
  • He believes that this exposure helped him develop a more open-minded perspective.
  • He also talks about how his parents' divorce and financial struggles taught him the importance of resilience and perseverance.
  • He believes that our childhood experiences can shape our values and beliefs.
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The Importance of a Supportive Partner

  • Jay Shetty talks about the importance of having a supportive partner.
  • He shares how his wife has been a guiding force in his life.
  • He talks about how his wife loved him for who he was, not just for his external success.
  • He believes that a supportive partner can help us grow and learn about ourselves.
  • He encourages people to value their relationships and to appreciate their partners.
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The Importance of Values in Relationships

  • Jay Shetty discusses the importance of values in relationships.
  • He believes that it is important to understand our partner's values and to respect them.
  • He talks about how society can influence our values and beliefs.
  • He encourages people to focus on their own values and to find a partner who shares those values.
  • He believes that a supportive partner should celebrate our successes, but also help us stay true to our values.
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Importance of Listening to Inner Voice

  • There is a strong inner voice that everyone has.
  • People are trained to ignore this voice and follow the societal norms.
  • By ignoring this voice, people treat themselves like machines.
  • People become so accustomed to ignoring this voice that they can't hear it anymore.
  • It is important to listen to this voice and be true to oneself.
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Being a Good Quitter

  • People are often afraid of quitting because of what others will think.
  • Quitting can be a good thing if it is done for the right reasons.
  • It is important to follow one's inner voice and do what feels right.
  • Quitting can lead to new opportunities and growth.
  • It is important to be true to oneself and not compromise on one's values.
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Chasing Internal Happiness

  • External success does not necessarily lead to happiness.
  • Internal happiness comes from being true to oneself and following one's passions.
  • It is important to find a balance between external success and internal happiness.
  • Chasing external success without considering internal happiness can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.
  • Internal happiness comes from being compassionate towards oneself and others.
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Importance of Paradoxes

  • Paradoxes can be a source of growth and learning.
  • It is important to embrace paradoxes and not be limited by societal norms.
  • Paradoxes can help people understand themselves better.
  • Paradoxes can lead to new opportunities and perspectives.
  • Embracing paradoxes can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
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Labels and Contradictions

  • Society tends to label people and enforce implicit instructions on them.
  • Labels limit people's potential and prevent them from exploring other areas.
  • Labels are especially problematic for spiritually intertwined pursuits.
  • Being spiritual doesn't mean being poor or detached from society.
  • Labels prevent people from making progress and shifting conversations.
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Business and Purpose

  • External appearances can be deceiving, and people tend to judge things based on their external appearance.
  • Businesses can be driven by purpose and not just profit.
  • Having a business can help people achieve their purpose and reach more people.
  • Businesses need staff, employees, cameras, microphones, and teams to achieve their purpose.
  • Businesses can help people access tools and resources that they wouldn't have access to otherwise.
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Internal Happiness

  • Nice things can bring joy, but they shouldn't define one's happiness.
  • Internal happiness comes from within and doesn't depend on external factors.
  • Appreciating life and experiences is more important than material possessions.
  • Being aware of imperfections and limitations is essential for achieving internal happiness.
  • Internal happiness requires working on one's purpose and not just pursuing pleasure.
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Meeting in the Middle

  • Meeting in the middle is essential for making progress and resolving conflicts.
  • Meeting in the middle requires empathy, understanding, and compromise.
  • Meeting in the middle means acknowledging and respecting different perspectives and opinions.
  • Meeting in the middle is essential for achieving harmony and balance in life.
  • Meeting in the middle requires being open-minded and willing to learn from others.
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The Middle Path

  • Spirituality and business are often seen as polar opposites.
  • The truth is in the middle.
  • The Buddha always talked about the middle path.
  • The world needs more purple people who can meet in the middle.
  • The people who love peace need to learn to organize themselves as well as the people who love war.
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The Power of Simple Ideas

  • Organizing and focusing on powerful simple ideas is important.
  • Many successful people talk about the power of meditation.
  • There are three types of meditation: breath work, visualization, and mantra.
  • Breath work is aimed at the body and physical stress.
  • Visualization is about visualizing the process, not just the result.
  • Mantra or sound has the power to transport and connect us in a way that no other type of meditation can.
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The Importance of Internal Happiness and Compassion

  • Internal happiness and compassion are important for a happy life.
  • Childhood experiences can shape our perspective.
  • It's important to focus on what we can control and let go of what we can't.
  • Gratitude and forgiveness are important for internal happiness.
  • Compassion is about understanding and connecting with others.
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The Need for Strategic and Practical Application

  • It's important to organize and strategize spiritual and wellness practices.
  • Powerful simple ideas need to be practically applied in our lives.
  • Heady intellectual conversations are not always helpful.
  • Simple ideas like gratitude, forgiveness, and compassion can be powerful.
  • Strategic and practical application is necessary for spiritual and wellness practices to be effective.
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The Power of Meditation

  • Sound has the ability to awaken deeper parts of us depending on what level it's at.
  • Meditation is an opportunity to build a relationship with yourself.
  • The greatest benefits of meditation come from using the right tool for the right part of your life.
  • Breath work can bring you back into alignment.
  • Visualization can help you prepare for difficult situations.
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Connecting with a Higher Power

  • Mantra and sound are a big part of Jay's meditation practice.
  • He uses them to connect with his deeper self and feel a connection to a higher power.
  • Many people may be turned off by the exclusive terminology surrounding spirituality.
  • It's important to find a first step to investigate if meditation can add value to your life.
  • Start by scheduling time for yourself in your calendar, even if it's just for a few minutes a day.
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Building a Relationship with Yourself

  • Meditation is an opportunity to build a relationship with your body, mind, heart, and consciousness.
  • It's important to recognize when you're feeling nervous or out of alignment and use the right tool to bring yourself back.
  • Visualization can help you prepare for difficult situations and align your mind and body.
  • Mantra and sound can help you connect with a higher power and awaken forgotten parts of yourself.
  • Putting time for yourself in your calendar is important to prioritize your relationship with yourself.
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The Power of Sound

  • Sound has the power to wake you up in the morning and awaken deeper parts of you.
  • There are different levels of sound that can affect you in different ways.
  • Meditation can include breath work, visualization, and sound.
  • Using sound can deepen your relationship with yourself and awaken forgotten parts of you.
  • Sound can be a powerful tool to help you align your mind and body.
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The Importance of Breath

  • Putting time aside to focus on breathing is important
  • Our breath is connected to every emotion we experience
  • Training our breath can help us navigate our emotions and our lives
  • Breathing in for four and out for four can help us relax
  • Breathing out for longer than we breathe in can help us sleep
  • Breathing out for less time than we breathe in can help us feel energized
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The Effects of Fear

  • Fear can be healthy or unhealthy depending on how we use it
  • Most of us get consumed by fear instead of using it
  • Fear can control us and dictate our actions and thoughts
  • Fear can stop us from doing important things and make us do things we wouldn't normally do
  • Fear can prevent us from saying things we want to say and make us say things we don't want to say
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