Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives. | E193

Last updated: Jun 2, 2023

The video is an interview with Dr. Gabor Mate, discussing the impact of childhood trauma on mental and physical health, and how early experiences shape our worldview.

The video features an interview with Dr. Gabor Mate, a renowned expert on addiction, stress, and childhood development. He discusses the strong evidence linking mental illness and childhood adversity, and how the early template that forms us affects how we see the world, understand ourselves, and relate to others. Dr. Mate shares his own personal experience of growing up during the Holocaust and how it shaped his worldview and sense of self. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing childhood trauma to improve physical and mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

  • Childhood trauma can lead to physiological stress in children due to financial stress on parents.
  • Mental and physical health issues later in life can be linked to childhood trauma.
  • Physicians often do not consider childhood trauma as a factor in mental and physical health issues.
  • Early experiences shape a person's worldview, personality, and brain development.
  • Childhood trauma can shape a person's sense of self and worldview.
  • Correcting the effects of childhood trauma involves understanding, recognizing, addressing, developing coping mechanisms, and seeking professional help.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to a sense of internal emptiness that can never be filled, impacting relationships and leading to addictive behaviors.
  • The culture we live in can perpetuate these behaviors and reward individuals for sacrificing meaningful connections and relationships.
  • Family dynamics and relationships can have a lasting impact on individuals' lives and contribute to a sense of not being good enough.

Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives. | E193 - YouTube

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Impact of Childhood Trauma on Health

  • Financial stress on parents can lead to physiological stress in children.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to mental and physical health issues later in life.
  • Evidence linking mental illness and childhood adversity is as strong as the evidence linking smoking and lung cancer.
  • Physicians often do not consider childhood trauma as a factor in mental and physical health issues.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to a denial of reality and survival techniques that shape a person's worldview.
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The Importance of Early Context

  • The early template that forms a person affects how they see the world, understand themselves, and relate to others.
  • The earliest months and years of a person's life shape their worldview.
  • Early experiences can affect a person's personality and brain development.
  • Mothers who are stressed or in pain can affect their infant's development and worldview.
  • Childhood trauma can shape a person's sense of self and worldview.
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Personal Experience with Childhood Trauma

  • Dr. Gabor Mate's early context was shaped by the German Army's occupation of Hungary when he was two months old.
  • His grandparents were killed in Auschwitz, and his father was away in forced labor.
  • His mother and he barely survived, and his brain was developing during this traumatic time.
  • Childhood trauma can shape a person's sense of self and worldview.
  • Dr. Mate's mother's stress and pain affected his development and worldview.
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Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives. | E193 - YouTube

Correcting the Effects of Childhood Trauma

  • Correcting the effects of childhood trauma is a multi-layered process.
  • It involves understanding the impact of early experiences on a person's development and worldview.
  • It involves recognizing and addressing the physical, mental, and emotional effects of childhood trauma.
  • It involves developing coping mechanisms and strategies to manage the effects of childhood trauma.
  • It involves seeking professional help and support to address the effects of childhood trauma.
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Early Childhood Trauma

  • Childhood experiences shape our worldview.
  • Dr. Gabor Mate's mother gave him away for five to six weeks to save him from starvation and the ghetto.
  • His grandparents were killed by the Nazis.
  • Separation from his mother set a template for some of his relationship interactions with his spouse decades later.
  • The sense of not being good enough and being responsible was inculcated in him throughout his whole first year of life.
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Unconscious Memories

  • Dr. Gabor Mate experienced himself as a one-year-old baby during a therapeutic session with psychedelic mushrooms.
  • He made his mother's life difficult because that's the way the baby interprets it.
  • Even if his mother loved him, he concluded that he was not good enough and it was his fault.
  • Bringing up the sense of guilt or responsibility to the conscious level is one step towards letting go of that belief.
  • Awareness is an essential step towards letting go of the belief that one is not good enough.
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Impact on Life

  • Dr. Gabor Mate became a workaholic physician because he had to keep proving his worth.
  • Childhood trauma made him feel responsible for everything.
  • He had to be perfect to be accepted.
  • He had to be in control to feel safe.
  • He had to be productive to feel valuable.
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Healing from Trauma

  • Healing from trauma involves understanding the impact of early experiences on one's worldview.
  • It involves bringing unconscious memories to the conscious level.
  • It involves letting go of beliefs that no longer serve us.
  • It involves developing self-compassion and self-acceptance.
  • It involves finding meaning and purpose in life beyond the trauma.
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The Impact of Childhood Trauma

  • Childhood trauma can lead to a sense of internal emptiness that can never be filled.
  • This sense of emptiness can lead to addictive behaviors, such as workaholism, as individuals try to improve their worth.
  • Relationships can also be impacted by childhood trauma, as individuals may feel unsatisfied and get angry when their partner doesn't please them.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to a sense of not being good enough, which can show up in various areas of life.
  • The culture we live in can reward this sense of emptiness and seeking to fill it, which can perpetuate addictive behaviors.
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The Toxicity of Culture

  • The culture we live in can reward emptiness and seeking to fill it, which can perpetuate addictive behaviors.
  • Individuals may sacrifice meaningful connections and relationships in the pursuit of validation and success.
  • The feeling of being valued by others is only temporary and does not fill the internal emptiness caused by childhood trauma.
  • The hedonistic treadmill perpetuates the idea that enough is never enough, leading to a constant need for greater achievements.
  • Race and class in a society of inequality can also be traumatic inputs that affect individuals' physiology.
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The Role of Family and Relationships

  • Childhood trauma can stem from family dynamics and relationships.
  • Children may interpret family conflicts as their fault and feel a sense of not being good enough.
  • This can lead to a need to prove oneself through work and other achievements.
  • Children may also develop a sense of internal emptiness that can never be filled.
  • Family dynamics and relationships can have a lasting impact on individuals' lives.
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The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma

  • Childhood trauma can have long-term effects on mental and physical health.
  • Individuals may develop addictive behaviors and a sense of internal emptiness that can never be filled.
  • The culture we live in can perpetuate these behaviors and reward individuals for sacrificing meaningful connections and relationships.
  • Family dynamics and relationships can also have a lasting impact on individuals' lives and contribute to a sense of not being good enough.
  • It is important to recognize the impact of childhood trauma and work towards healing and self-acceptance.
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Medical Career

  • Dr. Gabor Mate worked as a family physician for 22 years, delivering babies and looking after people's problems from beginning to end of life.
  • He also worked in palliative care for 22 years, looking after patients with terminal diseases.
  • He was the director of a unit at the hospital which looked after people with a terminal disease.
  • He worked in the downtown east side of Vancouver, British Columbia, which is North America's most concentrated area of drug use.
  • He worked with homeless people who were injecting, selling, using, inhaling, and ingesting drugs of all kinds.
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Experience in Palliative Care

  • Dr. Gabor Mate learned to accept his lack of omnipotence as a physician.
  • He learned how to be with the inevitable and how to accept that he couldn't cure people.
  • He learned a lot of acceptance and patience.
  • He listened to people a lot and learned to trust his intuition.
  • People who were dying wanted to make sense of their lives and tell their stories, and he listened to them.
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Themes in Patients' Stories

  • People react to their impending death in different ways.
  • Some people fought it to the end, while most people got to see what's important.
  • Some patients said that the illness that's going to take their life is the best thing that has happened to them.
  • They meant that the illness made them appreciate every moment and every human genuine interaction.
  • They also meant that the illness made them see what's really important in life.
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Who Gets Sick and Who Doesn't

  • Dr. Gabor Mate's view is that who gets sick and who doesn't isn't exactly accidental.
  • He believes that childhood trauma plays a significant role in shaping our worldview and our physical and mental health.
  • He believes that the childhood lie that we're not good enough is ruining all of our lives.
  • He believes that we need to heal our childhood trauma to heal our physical and mental health.
  • He believes that we need to create a society that understands and supports people with childhood trauma.
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Impact of Childhood Trauma on Health

  • Childhood trauma can lead to patterns that make disease more likely.
  • Abandoning one's true self can lead to a life that lacks meaning.
  • Reconnecting with oneself in an authentic way can be worth a lot to people.
  • People often realize the impact of childhood trauma throughout their lives.
  • Two big lessons from 33 years in medical practice: the importance of connection and the impact of childhood trauma on health.
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The Importance of Creativity

  • Following our creative urges is important for our mental health.
  • Everyone has a creative urge, regardless of whether they consider themselves an artist or not.
  • Expressing ourselves creatively is essential to our ongoing unfolding as human beings.
  • Not giving our creative urge expression can lead to suffering.
  • The act of creative expression is the reward, not the achievement or external validation.
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The Creative Urge and the Essence of God

  • We are created in the image of God, which means we are creators.
  • Everyone has a creative urge that needs to be expressed.
  • Not giving our creative urge expression can lead to frustration and suffering.
  • Our creative urge may take many forms, such as social intercourse, gardening, or athletic expression.
  • Expressing ourselves creatively is essential to our mental health and well-being.
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The Trap of Social Comparison

  • The trap of social comparison can lead us to believe we need to be good at something to express ourselves creatively.
  • The act of creative expression is the reward, regardless of outcome or external validation.
  • External validation, such as achievement or medals, is not the goal of creative expression.
  • Expressing ourselves creatively is essential to our mental health and well-being.
  • Writing a book about trauma and healing led Dr. Mate to experience the trap of social comparison.
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The Myth of Normal

  • Normal is often equated with healthy and natural in medical terms.
  • However, what is considered normal in society is often not healthy or natural.
  • Normal is a statistic or average, and can be harmful if it involves mistreatment or dysfunction.
  • Our life experiences, including in utero, childbirth, and early childhood, can affect our physiology and psychology.
  • The myth of normal perpetuates harmful societal norms and expectations.
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The Impact of Childhood Trauma

  • Childhood trauma can have long-lasting effects on mental and physical health.
  • Early experiences shape our worldview and can lead to negative coping mechanisms.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to addiction, mental illness, and physical health problems.
  • It is important to address childhood trauma in order to heal and prevent future harm.
  • Many societal issues, such as poverty and inequality, can be traced back to childhood trauma.
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The Importance of Self-Worth

  • Many people struggle with feelings of low self-worth, which can stem from childhood experiences.
  • Low self-worth can lead to seeking external validation and identifying with one's work or accomplishments.
  • It is important to separate one's sense of self-worth from external factors, such as success or failure.
  • Recognizing and addressing feelings of low self-worth can lead to greater confidence and self-acceptance.
  • Self-worth is essential for mental and physical health, as well as overall well-being.
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The Need for Compassion and Understanding

  • Compassion and understanding are essential for healing from childhood trauma and addressing societal issues.
  • Many societal problems, such as addiction and homelessness, are often rooted in childhood trauma and should be approached with empathy and understanding.
  • Stigmatizing and punishing individuals for their struggles only perpetuates harm and does not address the root causes.
  • It is important to recognize the interconnectedness of individuals and society, and to approach issues with a holistic understanding.
  • Compassion and understanding can lead to greater healing and positive change.
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The Myth of Normal

  • Illness and health are manifestations of our relationships, situation, and history.
  • Abnormal circumstances can lead to physical or mental illness.
  • Normal is a myth that keeps us from seeing reality.
  • Everyone is abnormal in some way.
  • Abnormality is a spectrum, and we are all on it.
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The Problem with Diagnoses

  • Diagnoses are not explanations for anything.
  • Understanding of normal and abnormal does not explain anything.
  • Descriptions can be helpful, but they do not explain why someone is behaving abnormally.
  • Abnormal behavior can be a normal response to abnormal circumstances.
  • The disease model is a model, and it does not fully describe reality.
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The Lack of Evidence in Mental Illness

  • There is no physiological evidence for mental illness.
  • There are no physiological parameters that can diagnose mental illness.
  • Brain scans of people with mental illness diagnoses are not diagnostic.
  • There is no blood test for mental illness.
  • Illness is a model, and it might not fully describe reality.
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The Importance of Childhood Experiences

  • Childhood experiences shape our worldview.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to physical or mental illness later in life.
  • Early experiences can affect brain development.
  • Early experiences can affect how we cope with stress later in life.
  • Early experiences can affect our relationships and how we see ourselves.
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Impact of Childhood Trauma on Health

  • Childhood trauma can have a significant impact on mental and physical health.
  • Early experiences shape our worldview and can lead to negative coping mechanisms.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to addiction, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.
  • Physical health issues such as autoimmune diseases can also be linked to childhood trauma.
  • Understanding the impact of childhood trauma is crucial for effective treatment and prevention of mental and physical health issues.
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The Relationship Between Mind and Body

  • The mind and body are interconnected and cannot be separated.
  • Psychoneuroimmunology is a field of study that explores the relationship between the emotional apparatus of the brain and body with the immune system, nervous system, and hormonal apparatus.
  • Emotions and stress can have a significant impact on the body's hormonal state and immune system.
  • Many medical conditions, including autoimmune diseases, are linked to stress and inflammation.
  • Understanding the relationship between the mind and body is crucial for effective treatment and prevention of physical and mental health issues.
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Rethinking the Concept of Disease

  • The concept of disease as a discrete object is flawed.
  • Many medical conditions, including autoimmune diseases, are linked to life experiences and ways of functioning in the world.
  • Medical treatments that focus solely on mitigating symptoms may not be effective in addressing the root cause of the issue.
  • Understanding the process of disease as a result of internal processes rather than a separate entity is crucial for effective treatment and prevention of physical and mental health issues.
  • There is a need for a more holistic approach to healthcare that takes into account the interconnectedness of the mind and body.
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The Importance of Trauma-Informed Care

  • Understanding the impact of childhood trauma is crucial for providing effective healthcare.
  • Trauma-informed care involves recognizing the prevalence of trauma and its impact on health, as well as creating a safe and supportive environment for patients.
  • Trauma-informed care involves a shift from asking "what's wrong with you?" to "what happened to you?"
  • Trauma-informed care involves a focus on prevention and early intervention to address the root cause of health issues.
  • Implementing trauma-informed care can lead to better health outcomes and a more compassionate healthcare system.
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Medical Practice and Trauma

  • Physiology and trauma are related, but medical doctors are not taught about it.
  • Thousands of studies show the relationship between trauma and illness.
  • Medical practice would change for the better if physicians considered the stresses and traumas in a patient's life.
  • Physicians can raise the question of how a patient's life context may be affecting their body's physiology.
  • Asking about a patient's life context can make a huge change in their life and disease process.
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Impact of Parenting on Stress Response

  • A study at McGill University showed that mother rats who groomed their infants in a more efficient and caring way had calmer offspring who responded to stress in more functional ways.
  • The adult rats who had been groomed one way or the other as infants had different stress apparatuses in their brains.
  • The genetic functioning of the brain changed, not the genes themselves.
  • Epigenetics is how genes are turned on and off by the environment.
  • How nurturing parents were has a big impact on their children's ability to handle stress positively or negatively.
  • Stress responses are programmed by early developmental experiences.
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Defining Trauma

  • Trauma is not something bad that happens to you, like being sad or experiencing emotional pain.
  • Trauma is a specific experience that overwhelms a person's capacity to cope.
  • Trauma is subjective and depends on the individual's perception of the event.
  • Trauma can be caused by a single event or a series of events.
  • Trauma can have long-lasting effects on a person's mental and physical health.
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Importance of Childhood Experiences

  • Childhood experiences shape a person's worldview and behavior.
  • Early experiences can have a profound impact on a person's mental and physical health later in life.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to addiction, mental illness, and chronic diseases.
  • It is important to address childhood trauma to prevent negative outcomes later in life.
  • Healing from childhood trauma involves understanding and processing the emotions associated with the experience.
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Definition of Trauma

  • Trauma is a psychological wound that behaves like a physical wound.
  • It hurts when touched, and anything that reminds the person of the wound can cause the same level of pain.
  • Wounds can scar over and become rigid, causing people to lose response flexibility.
  • People who have experienced trauma tend to be stuck in emotional states that characterized their development when they were traumatized.
  • When something happens in the present, people with trauma react as if they're back in the past when the trauma first happened.
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Percentage of People with Trauma

  • 60% of adults say they've had a traumatic early upbringing or traumatic events from their childhood.
  • People who have experienced obvious traumas, such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, are subject to trauma.
  • Other factors that can cause trauma include the death of a parent, violence in the family, parental violence against each other, a parent being jailed, mental illness, addiction, divorce, poverty, extreme inequality, and war.
  • Small children can be wounded in loving families where their emotional needs are not met, which is called small tea trauma.
  • Small tea trauma is not the big ticket events, but the child's need to be loved unconditionally, held when distressed, responded to, and seen.
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Impact of Trauma

  • Trauma can cause people to be disconnected from their feelings.
  • People who have experienced trauma tend to be stuck in emotional states that characterized their development when they were traumatized.
  • When something happens in the present, people with trauma react as if they're back in the past when the trauma first happened.
  • Trauma can cause people to lose response flexibility and react in typical, stereotypical, predictable, and dysfunctional ways.
  • Trauma can cause people to be stuck in emotional states that characterized their development when they were traumatized.
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Healing from Trauma

  • Healing from trauma involves understanding that trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you.
  • People can be wounded not just by bad things happening to them, but also by small things like not having their emotional needs met.
  • Healing from trauma involves meeting the emotional needs that were not met in childhood.
  • Healing from trauma involves learning to be present in the moment and not react as if you're back in the past when the trauma first happened.
  • Healing from trauma involves learning response flexibility and not reacting in typical, stereotypical, predictable, and dysfunctional ways.
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Impact of Childhood Trauma

  • Children need unconditional loving attachment relationships to develop properly.
  • When these needs are not met, it can lead to trauma that shows up later in life as painful wounds.
  • Trauma is far more common in society than we imagine.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to all kinds of issues, including addiction and dysfunction.
  • Children need to be allowed their full range of emotions without them being stamped on in the name of discipline.
  • Children need the right to play creatively and spontaneously out in nature, not with digital gadgets that subvert and hijack their imagination.
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Interpretation of Traumatic Events

  • There is a disconnect between traumatic events and their outcomes in people.
  • Interpretation plays a significant role in how people respond to traumatic events.
  • It is difficult to diagnose the effects of trauma without asking questions and understanding the individual's interpretation of the event.
  • People who have experienced trauma may become peaceful for genuinely good reasons, such as finding compassion for themselves and others.
  • People who have experienced trauma may also be suppressing their healthy anger, which can show up later in life as a health manifestation.
  • There is no one-size-fits-all response to traumatic events.
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Donald Trump's Childhood Trauma

  • Donald Trump had a traumatic childhood, with a psychopathic father who demeaned and harshly treated his children.
  • Trump's response to his childhood trauma was to unconsciously decide to make himself bigger, more powerful, and aggressive.
  • Trump's worldview reflects his childhood home, where he learned that the world is a horrible place where everyone is after you.
  • Trump's brother, who also experienced the same childhood trauma, died as an alcoholic.
  • Trump's childhood trauma materialized itself as addiction and dysfunction.
  • Trump's trauma is visible in every moment he opens his mouth.
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Impact of Childhood Trauma on Success

  • Many successful people have experienced childhood trauma.
  • Some successful people have become successful because of their abnormal interpretation of early events that caused them to have an abnormal belief about themselves.
  • Success does not necessarily mean happiness or mental and physical health.
  • Childhood trauma can lead to addiction, dysfunction, and other issues that can impact success and well-being.
  • It is essential to address childhood trauma to achieve true success and well-being.
  • Childhood trauma can impact all aspects of life, including relationships, career, and health.
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Impact of Childhood Trauma on Personality

  • Donald Trump's behavior is a result of his early childhood experiences.
  • His survival techniques were to be aggressive, harsh, and competitive.
  • He learned to get the other before they get to him.
  • He often believes what he's saying, even if it's not true.
  • His denial of reality is a mark of a traumatized child.
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Pathological Lies as a Survival Mechanism

  • People lie their way out of reality when they have been hurt by reality.
  • Pathological lies are a way to survive.
  • Defense against reality and being judged is a reason for lying.
  • Nobody is born a liar, but we learn to pretend to survive.
  • Lying becomes a defense against reality and a defense mechanism.
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