Advice To Men Who Are Struggling - Connor Beaton | Modern Wisdom 692

The video is about advice for men who are struggling and the one rule of men, which is not to talk about their struggles or suffering. The speaker, Connor Beaton, discusses how this rule can lead to a rock bottom and how men are often convinced that things will change until they bottom out. He also talks about how seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing and how it can become a toxin if taken to an extreme. The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength, but also warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles.

This video by Chris Williamson was published on Oct 12, 2023.
Video length: 01:33:23.

The video is about advice for men who are struggling, specifically about the rule of not talking about their struggles.

The host, Connor Beaton, discusses how this rule is similar to the first rule of Fight Club, which is not to talk about Fight Club. He explains that the rule is meant to help men suppress their emotions and find strength through suppression. However, he also warns that taking this modality to an extreme can become toxic and weaken men in a real way.

He encourages men to find other frameworks to help them cope with their pain and grief, rather than relying solely on suppression.

• The one rule of men is that they don't talk about their struggles or suffering.
• Taking the modality of gaining strength through suppression to an extreme can become a toxin.
• Ignoring one's pain and struggles can lead to a rock bottom and a feeling of being stuck.
• Being emotionally stoic means being able to control one's emotions and not let them control you.
• It is important to confront one's struggles and not hide them away.
• Many men have competition-based relationships where they withhold their weaknesses.
• The reality is that in any strategy, the best approach is to know one's weaknesses.
• The speaker thinks that men's work is a good concept.
• The speaker respects the psychotherapy approach of the friend.

Advice To Men Who Are Struggling - Connor Beaton | Modern Wisdom 692 - YouTube

The One Rule of Men

• The one rule of men is that they don't talk about their struggles or suffering.
• This rule can lead to a rock bottom and a belief that things will change until they bottom out.
• Seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing.
• This method can become a toxin if taken to an extreme.
• Being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength is important, but it should not be the only method.

The Texas of Canada

• Grew up in a place where big trucks, oil, guns, and cowboys are common.
• The one rule of men is that they don't talk about their struggles or suffering.
• This rule can lead to a rock bottom and a belief that things will change until they bottom out.
• Seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing.
• The seeking part of this frame is also important, as it is grasping for strength and hoping it will appear.

The Toxin of Suppression

• Taking the modality of gaining strength through suppression to an extreme can become a toxin.
• Ignoring the things that are causing pain and difficulty in one's life can weaken oneself.
• This method of trying to develop psychological strength can actually be counterproductive.
• It is important to find other frameworks to help cope with pain, grief, sadness, anxiety, anger, and loneliness.
• The blessing and curse of being a man is the ability to muster up courage and strength to push through challenges.

Advice To Men Who Are Struggling - Connor Beaton | Modern Wisdom 692 - YouTube

The Backbone of Society

• Men have the capacity and ability to push through life's greatest challenges.
• Society and the world have been built on the backs and shoulders of men who have gone through hard times.
• When this becomes one's way of living, other frameworks start to get built to help cope with the fact that there is no outlet for pain, grief, sadness, anxiety, anger, and loneliness.
• It is important to remember that being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength is not the only method.
• In one's 20s, it is important to come out of high school and find other ways to cope with life's challenges.

The Rule of Men

• The speaker discusses the rule of men, which is not to talk about their struggles or suffering.
• This rule can lead to a rock bottom and a feeling of being stuck.
• Many men are convinced that things will change until they bottom out.
• Seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing.
• If taken to an extreme, this method can become a toxin.

The Importance of Being Emotionally Stoic

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength.
• Being emotionally stoic means being able to control one's emotions and not let them control you.
• It is important to develop psychological strength, but not at the expense of one's pain and struggles.
• Ignoring one's pain and struggles can lead to a rock bottom and a feeling of being stuck.
• It is important to confront one's struggles and not hide them away.

The Double-Edged Sword of Comfort

• The speaker discusses how comfortable people are with crying in front of others.
• Men between the ages of 18 and 24 said they would feel uncomfortable crying in front of another man.
• This shows that there is a pressure for men to not talk about their hardships.
• It is important for men to talk about their struggles and not feel ashamed or embarrassed.
• Talking about one's struggles can lead to growth and change.

The Story of Connor Beaton

• The speaker shares his own story of struggling in his early 20s.
• He worked in construction and felt trapped in his life.
• He felt angry and frustrated towards the world and himself.
• He struggled with a victim mentality and felt like his life was destined to be a certain way.
• He eventually bottomed out and had to confront his struggles.

The Nature of Existence

• The speaker believes that ignoring one's struggles is infantile and part of the nature of existence.
• Socially, there is a narrative that men have to be more together to get women's attention.
• The speaker thinks that this notion is another part of the problem.
• Many men have competition-based relationships where they withhold their weaknesses.
• Men are more likely to withhold their weaknesses in relationships.

Generational Trauma

• The speaker thinks that the generational trauma of the world wars is a big part of the problem.
• Men were told to man up and suck it up to survive.
• When they returned home, they were expected to go back to normal life.
• This created a hardness where vulnerability and weakness are the enemy.
• The reality is that in any strategy, the best approach is to know one's weaknesses.

Competition Point

• The speaker thinks that the competition point is overlooked by men.
• There is camaraderie in competition, but status is the currency of men.
• Self-work is necessary to deprogram the narrative.
• The speaker had a conversation with a friend who did men's work.
• The friend found that he had been constantly comparing other men to himself in a derogatory fashion.

Men's Work

• The speaker thinks that men's work is a good concept.
• The speaker had not heard of the name of the book "Men's Work" before.
• The speaker respects the psychotherapy approach of the friend.
• The friend did some work at Ground Zero before going away to do Iowaska.
• The friend found that he had been constantly comparing other men to himself in a derogatory fashion.

The Rule of Men

• The speaker discusses the rule of men, which is not to talk about their struggles or suffering.
• This rule can lead to a rock bottom and can convince men that things will change until they bottom out.
• Seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing.
• This method can become a toxin if taken to an extreme.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength.

The Malignant Emotional Inheritance

• The emotional inheritance from post-war generations is malignant in some regards.
• This inheritance teaches men how to deal with their emotions.
• The coping strategies are inherited down and there is no orthogonal elders to provide a different perspective.
• The speaker wonders whether this is an inflection point for the current generation.
• The speaker believes that the current generation is more emotionally in tune and able to deal with their emotions more.

The Aftershock

• The aftershock is a recurrent tremor that has been inherited through the generations.
• This aftershock is almost narcissistic to believe that so much war for so long to so many men would not have grown up.
• The aftershock is a passive and unconscious comparison that men have with each other.
• The aftershock is largely unconscious for men.
• The aftershock is an interesting insight into the mind of men.

The Competition Piece

• The competition piece is insidious in the sense that it is largely unconscious for men.
• Women are very aware of how they interact with other women.
• There is a sizing up that happens when men walk into a bar, restaurant, or a party.
• The competition piece is largely unconscious for men.
• The competition piece is an interesting insight into the mind of men.

The Rule of Men

• The speaker discusses the rule of men, which is not to talk about their struggles or suffering.
• This rule can lead to a rock bottom and often men are convinced that things will change until they bottom out.
• Seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing.
• If taken to an extreme, this method can become a toxin.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength.

The Evolutionary Perspective

• The speaker discusses how sizing one another up is baked into our evolutionary standpoint.
• There is a hierarchy within primates where there is an alpha that rules through dominance and aggression.
• Alphas generally have a shorter lifespan and leadership span.
• The alphas that tend to lead longer are not ruling through dominance, but through coherence, prestige, and respect.
• Talking about status is low value and low status.

The Impact of War

• Coming back from war can affect a man's ability to relate to other men and feel safe.
• Veterans often struggle to trust civilian men in the way they trusted men they went to war with.
• Isolation can emerge within a lot of men who have been emotionally damaged.
• Poor performers can bring down a team, while great performers can raise up poor performers.
• Human teamworking and emotions work at the lowest common denominator.

The Conundrum of Men's Vulnerability and Aggression

• Men face a conundrum of having their emotions together and also being able to talk about it when they are struggling.
• There is a double standard when it comes to men's vulnerability and aggression.
• Men should be able to temper their vulnerability at their whim.
• Men should be able to talk about their struggles when necessary.
• The speaker loves the conception of men's vulnerability and aggression.

The Myth of Male Vulnerability

• The speaker discusses the societal pressure for men to be more vulnerable.
• He argues that this pressure can lead to a rock bottom and a belief that things will change.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength.
• He warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles.

The Consequences of Opening Up

• The speaker discusses the consequences of opening up and sharing one's vulnerabilities.
• He argues that opening up can lead to ostracism and isolation.
• The speaker also discusses the resource problem, where men may not have the support they need to deal with their struggles.

The Importance of Communication

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being able to communicate one's struggles and emotions.
• He argues that women want to know what's going on inside of men and be able to support them.
• The speaker also discusses the importance of having resources around you to support your struggles.

The Misconception of Vulnerability

• The speaker discusses the misconception that vulnerability is a weakness.
• He argues that vulnerability is a necessary part of emotional strength and psychological resilience.
• The speaker also discusses the importance of being emotionally stoic and not letting one's emotions control them.

The Problem with Masculinity

• The speaker discusses the idea that men are often treated in a feminine-oriented way, which can lead to a rock bottom.
• He argues that seeking strength through suppression can become a toxin if taken to an extreme.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength.
• He warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles.

The Myth of Vulnerability

• The speaker challenges the notion that vulnerability is a weakness, and that it is actually a strength.
• He argues that being vulnerable can be a good thing, as it can help men find out if their partner is ready for a real relationship.
• The speaker suggests that men should not be afraid to show vulnerability, as it can lead to a better relationship.

The Importance of Emotional Stoicism

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of emotional stoicism, which is the ability to control one's emotions.
• He argues that emotional stoicism is a key component of psychological strength.
• The speaker suggests that men should develop emotional stoicism in order to better navigate their relationships.

The Challenges Faced by Men

• The speaker discusses the challenges faced by men, including the idea that they are defective if they are not masculine enough.
• He argues that this narrative is harmful and that it can lead to a rock bottom.
• The speaker suggests that men should not be afraid to be themselves and to embrace their true selves.

The Problem with Men's Struggles

• Many men are told to open up and be more vulnerable by society, but this can lead to a rock bottom.
• The one rule of men is not to talk about their struggles or suffering.
• Seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing.
• This method can become a toxin if taken to an extreme.
• Being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength is important, but ignoring one's pain and struggles is not the solution.

The Inflection Point

• Many men find themselves at an inflection point when they talk about their struggles.
• The challenge is to find a solution that addresses the root causes of men's problems.
• Society often tells men to be more vulnerable, but this can be difficult for some.
• Talking about men's problems is often met with the solution of "be more vulnerable".
• Empathy does not work this way, recognizing the plights of men does not ignore the plights of women.

The Zero Sum View of Empathy

• The Zero Sum view of empathy assumes that any attention paid to men takes it away from women.
• This view is not accurate, as empathy does not work this way.
• Recognizing the plights of men does not ignore the plights of women.
• Women often end up suffering when men contribute to the lack of eligible partners.
• The increasing cohort of apathetic, checked out, and resentful men is a problem.

The Myth of Male Vulnerability

• The myth of male vulnerability is that it is wanted, but the reality is that society and people generally don't know what to do with it.
• When men's problems arise, there are very real things that we have to look at socially.
• Richard Reeves talks about red shirting boys, which created controversy.
• Society and culture often push back on men, telling them to go and figure it out.
• Young men hear this message in today's world and are checking out.

The Problem of Men's Struggles

• The speaker, Connor Beaton, discusses the problem of men's struggles and the one rule of men, which is not to talk about their struggles or suffering.
• He explains how this rule can lead to a rock bottom and how men are often convinced that things will change until they bottom out.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength, but also warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles.
• He argues that seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing and how it can become a toxin if taken to an extreme.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength, but also warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles.

The Importance of Being Emotionally Stoic

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength.
• He argues that this is a key part of any man's work and that it is important to be in the conversation of where do I feel stuck, who can I talk to, who can I open up to.
• He emphasizes that it is important to have some conversation and to work on those things that are causing challenges in one's life.
• The speaker argues that being emotionally stoic and developing psychological strength is a key part of any man's work and that it is important to be in the conversation of where do I feel stuck, who can I talk to, who can I open up to.

The Dangers of Suppression

• The speaker warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles.
• He argues that seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing and how it can become a toxin if taken to an extreme.
• He emphasizes that it is important to be emotionally stoic and develop psychological strength, but also warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles.
• The speaker warns against buying into the method of trying to develop strength by ignoring one's pain and struggles and argues that seeking strength through suppression is a lovely frame that encapsulates what men are doing and how it can become a toxin if taken to an extreme.

Watch the video on YouTube:
Advice To Men Who Are Struggling - Connor Beaton | Modern Wisdom 692 - YouTube