Chris Williamson: The Shocking New Research On Why Men And Women Are No Longer Compatible! | E237

Last updated: Jun 2, 2023

The video discusses the imbalance between men and women in terms of education and employment, as well as the lack of social connections and intimacy among men, and the speaker's personal journey towards self-discovery and curiosity.

The video features an interview with Chris Williamson, an entrepreneur and podcaster, who discusses the growing imbalance between men and women in terms of education, employment, and social connections. He also talks about his personal journey of self-discovery and how his podcast, Modern Wisdom, allows him to pursue his curiosity and learn from top experts in various fields. The conversation touches on topics such as loneliness, the importance of close connections for health outcomes, and the challenges faced by men in approaching women. The video ends with a request for viewers to subscribe to the channel.

  • 78% of women want to date a man who is as educated or employed as they are.
  • 15% of men say that they have zero close friends.
  • One in three men between the ages of 18 and 30 hasn't had sex in the last year.
  • 80% of men report not approaching a woman because they are scared of being seen as creepy.
  • By 2045, 45% of 25 to 45-year-old women will be single and childless.
  • The world of social connection has been made less and less social.
  • Chris Williamson was chronically unpopular throughout all of school and was badly bullied.
  • Chris Williamson is a very curious person.
  • Understanding oneself is crucial to success and happiness.

Chris Williamson: The Shocking New Research On Why Men And Women Are No Longer Compatible! | E237 - YouTube

Chris Williamson: The Shocking New Research On Why Men And Women Are No Longer Compatible! | E237 001

Imbalance between Men and Women

  • 78% of women want to date a man who is as educated or employed as they are.
  • 15% of men say that they have zero close friends.
  • One in three men between the ages of 18 and 30 hasn't had sex in the last year.
  • 80% of men report not approaching a woman because they are scared of being seen as creepy.
  • By 2045, 45% of 25 to 45-year-old women will be single and childless.
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Lack of Social Connections and Intimacy Among Men

  • 15% of men say that they have zero close friends.
  • The world of social connection has been made less and less social.
  • The single biggest predictor of your health outcomes in life is the number of close connections that you have.
  • People that are in relationships have better health outcomes.
  • One in three men between the ages of 18 and 30 hasn't had sex in the last year.
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Chris Williamson's Personal Journey Towards Self-Discovery and Curiosity

  • Chris Williamson was chronically unpopular throughout all of school and was badly bullied.
  • He compromised an awful lot of who he truly was to try and be as popular and successful in that world as possible.
  • He realized that he actually didn't have very many opinions.
  • He had been playing a role as this big name on campus party boy club promoter big dick around town guy.
  • He had compromised an awful lot of who he truly was to try and just be as popular and successful in that world as possible.
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Chris Williamson: The Shocking New Research On Why Men And Women Are No Longer Compatible! | E237 - YouTube

Chris Williamson's Mission

  • Chris Williamson is a very curious person.
  • He wants to know about everything.
  • He wants to know about why people do the things they do.
  • He realized that there was something missing in his life despite having the trappings of success.
  • He didn't really understand himself particularly well.
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Early Life and University

  • Chris was chronically unpopular and bullied throughout school.
  • He arrived at university in Newcastle without a tight group of friends.
  • He started running a nightlife events business with a classmate.
  • He tied a lot of his identity to the success of the business.
  • He expanded the business to multiple cities and did whatever it took to get more clout.
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Love Island and Self-Discovery

  • Chris was the first person through the doors on Love Island.
  • He realized that the person he thought he was didn't match the person he saw in the villa.
  • He started consuming content from Jordan Peterson, Sam Harris, and Joe Rogan.
  • He phased out of the nightlife events business and started to understand himself better.
  • Love Island was a fatal dose of contrast that helped him realize something was off.
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Struggling in School and Socialization

  • Chris thinks any only child struggles to be socialized to the same level as someone with siblings.
  • He spent a lot of time in clubs and sports, but it was still hard for him to understand other kids.
  • He had some inherent introversion that combined with his lack of socialization.
  • He used to obsess over things like other kids' hairstyles.
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Lessons Learned and Helping Others

  • Chris realized that all the steps he took to get where he is now are lessons he can gift to others.
  • He hopes to help others expedite success, avoid pitfalls, and do it with less loneliness and suffering.
  • He wants to pass on the lessons he learned from people who changed his life.
  • He believes that understanding oneself is crucial to success and happiness.
  • He wants to help others get to a place that's even better than where he is now.
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Childhood Social Struggles

  • The speaker fixated on small details of other children's appearance and behavior in an attempt to understand why he struggled socially.
  • He lacked a wide variety of social skills and had difficulty relating to other kids.
  • He was hyper-attentive to social cues and tried to diagnose what was going on in social situations.
  • He struggled to understand why he didn't have friends.
  • He was more interested in the negative aspects of his personality and what was driving him.
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Drive and Fear of Insufficiency

  • Highly successful people often have a crippling sense of insufficiency, a superiority complex, and maniacal focus.
  • People are driven by a fear of insufficiency more than a perfectly balanced desire for success.
  • The tension between success and happiness is a common theme.
  • People often sacrifice happiness to achieve success, hoping that success will make them happy.
  • People fear being a loser more than they want to be a winner.
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Deprogramming Fear of Insufficiency

  • It is possible to deprogram the fear of insufficiency and tune down the volume.
  • However, this may come at a cost to drive and motivation.
  • The rat that is running away from something it fears will pull harder than the rat that is just running towards something it wants.
  • The traits of super competitive people include a superiority complex and crippling anxiety about being a failure.
  • The tension between success and failure is a toxic fuel for motivation.
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Personal Examples

  • The speaker was a club promoter and knew that people needed him to get into nightclubs.
  • He now gifts people insights and concepts that can improve their lives through his podcast.
  • He has to be careful not to transmute the same energy from his club promoter days into his podcast.
  • He resonates with the fear of insufficiency and the requirement to offer the world something in order to feel worthy.
  • He believes it is possible to deprogram this mindset, but it may come at a cost to drive and motivation.
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The Price of Success

  • A story about a world's strongest man who sacrificed everything for his success
  • Accepting that heroes are not gods, but regular people who sacrificed everything else for their success
  • Reprogramming toxic dramas and status games
  • Realizing that everyone is playing a status game
  • Shift towards focusing on things that are intrinsically aligned with happiness
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Reprogramming Toxic Driving Force

  • Feeling competent and proving something to the world
  • Chronically feeling incompetent through childhood
  • Changing the toxic driving force comes at the cost of drive
  • Quote from Alex Homozy about becoming confident through undeniable proof
  • Having a project with a crushing amount of volume and evidence to smash imposter syndrome
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Status Games and the Red Sneaker Effect

  • Discussion of the evolutionary basis of status
  • Example of bigger logos on tracksuits in poorer areas
  • Discussion of the red sneaker effect and counter-signaling
  • Barber pole of status and the need to differentiate from those below
  • Playing a different set of status games
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Self-Discovery and Curiosity

  • Personal journey towards self-discovery and curiosity
  • Realizing the toxic driving force and shifting towards intrinsic alignment with happiness
  • Importance of feeling competent and proving oneself
  • Discussion of imposter syndrome and self-doubt
  • Importance of having a project with undeniable proof of competence
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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

  • Imposter syndrome is the feeling of being a fraud despite evidence of competence.
  • It can be overcome by disproving it in the real world.
  • After a while, it becomes quieter, but it still shows up at times.
  • It has nothing to do with competence and everything to do with addiction to feeling like an imposter.
  • Building a mountain with layers of paint can help build confidence.
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Personal Growth and Drive

  • Changing what drives you can help overcome feelings of insufficiency.
  • Curiosity can be a powerful and personal drive.
  • There is always work to be done in personal growth.
  • Becoming complacent can allow negative voices to seep back in.
  • There is always evidence for better or worse, and it can be stacked to build confidence.
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Leading with Action

  • 80% of listeners may struggle with confidence.
  • Leading with action can help overcome a crippling sense of insufficiency.
  • Discounting good thoughts can be a strong set point of negativity.
  • Starting with action and setting achievable goals can help build confidence.
  • It's important to find pride in accomplishments and progress.
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Dealing with Negative Voices

  • Under times of extreme stress, negative voices can come back.
  • There is always work to be done in personal growth.
  • Complacency can allow negative voices to seep back in.
  • It's important to have a stack of undeniable proof that you are supposed to be here.
  • Advice for building confidence includes leading with action and finding pride in accomplishments.
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Building Pride through Action

  • Pride is something that everyone misses, but it should be earned through worthy actions.
  • Start with small promises to yourself and commit to them, such as waking up at a certain time or writing a blog post once a week.
  • Identity lags behind our status by about one to two years, so start with action and build your identity from there.
  • Trust your own word and keep promises to yourself, just as you would with a friend.
  • Life is convenient, but it's important to not break promises to yourself and to be able to trust your own word.
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The Power of Action

  • Words are powerful, but they don't always convert into behavior.
  • The habit of not doing things is difficult to overcome.
  • Learning about something is not the same as enacting it, so action must come first.
  • Ask yourself if a concept is useful and how you can apply it to your life.
  • Choose promises that you will never break to yourself and track your progress.
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Starting with Small Steps

  • Start with the smallest step and expand from there.
  • Choose promises that are achievable and build from there.
  • Track your progress and celebrate small wins.
  • Video games are designed to make sure that every subsequent level is achievable, and life should be approached in the same way.
  • Small steps lead to big changes over time.
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The Importance of Trusting Yourself

  • Trust in yourself is essential for building confidence and self-esteem.
  • Keep promises to yourself and don't break them.
  • Life is convenient, but it's important to not break promises to yourself and to be able to trust your own word.
  • Trust in yourself is built through action and keeping promises to yourself.
  • Small promises lead to bigger promises and greater self-trust.
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The Importance of Starting Small

  • Starting small is important to avoid losing motivation.
  • Crosswords and video games get incrementally more challenging to keep you engaged.
  • The size of the first step is a central point.
  • People often set themselves up for failure by setting too big of a first step.
  • The goal is to still be winning your daily routine in 50 years time.
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The Power of Tiny Steps

  • Very tiny steps can compound over time.
  • The first step has to be incredibly small.
  • Make the promise to yourself sufficiently small that even with challenges, you can make it work.
  • Discipline is more valuable than motivation.
  • Doing the thing in spite of not wanting to do the thing is discipline.
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Dealing with Setbacks

  • A habit missed once is a mistake, a habit missed twice is the start of a new habit.
  • Never miss two days in a row.
  • If you ever miss one day, double down the next day.
  • Errors can snowball into new habits, so it's important to stop them early.
  • If you don't ever miss two days, you shouldn't be able to get to day three.
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Personal Example

  • The speaker's personal journey towards self-discovery and curiosity.
  • He wanted to become a more virtuous version of himself.
  • He had to do it one step at a time.
  • He didn't have a stable sleep and wake pattern until COVID.
  • He built a foundation for his life through meditation, reading, and a morning routine.
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Self-discipline and habits

  • Continuing behavior despite lack of motivation
  • Missing a few days is okay, get back on track
  • Discipline is key to achieving goals
  • Setting alarms and waking up at the same time each day
  • Going for a morning walk before using technology
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Fundamental tools for personal growth

  • Waking up on time and going for a morning walk
  • Avoiding technology in the morning
  • Meditation and breath work for calmness and peace
  • Reading articles, books, and listening to podcasts for content absorption
  • Creating content to synthesize and solidify understanding
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Importance of accountability

  • Creating content for an audience to feel accountable
  • Posting on a regular schedule to motivate oneself
  • Forcing oneself to be rigorous and precise in beliefs
  • Accountability is a forcing function for personal growth
  • Creating content for oneself or an audience is motivating
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Challenges of technology addiction

  • Using technology as an alarm and immediately checking social media
  • Keeping phones outside of the bedroom
  • Technology addiction is a primary challenge for many people
  • Going for a morning walk before using technology can help
  • Creating content can help overcome technology addiction
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The Power of Content Creation

  • Creating content helps to hone the skill of sales.
  • It forces one to make ideas concise and engaging.
  • Content creation has had a profound impact on the speaker's business and ability to pitch and sell.
  • The obligation to create content has had a positive impact on all facets of the speaker's life.
  • Having a richer vocabulary means a richer life.
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The Importance of Social Connections

  • The more words one has in their arsenal, the more precisely they can describe the ideas in their head.
  • Loneliness is bad for personal growth and learning.
  • Writing for an audience, even if it's just a few people, is more disciplined and consistent than writing for oneself.
  • The loneliness epidemic is a real issue, with falling rates of friendliness and a lack of social cohesion.
  • There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
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The Loneliness Epidemic

  • In 1990, 55% of men said they had six or more close friends. In 2020, that number dropped to 21%.
  • 21% of men say they have less than six close friends.
  • The number of men who say they have zero close friends has increased by five-fold since 1990 and is now at 15%.
  • Women seem to be able to hold onto social groups more effectively than men.
  • The loneliness epidemic is hitting men harder than women.
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Personal Reflections on Loneliness

  • The speaker wrote in their mid-20s, "I think I'm lonely."
  • Loneliness is a difficult feeling to understand and work through.
  • The speaker reflects on their own experiences with loneliness in their early 20s.
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Personal Experience of Loneliness

  • The speaker felt lonely but didn't know it until later.
  • He had an innate feeling but no word to describe it.
  • He learned what he was missing when he felt a real sense of connection.
  • He only had a handful of friends despite meeting many people.
  • He was playing a role as a big name on campus party boy.
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Loneliness and Inauthenticity

  • Playing a role leads to feeling alone in a crowd and hollow in victory.
  • People connect to the image created, not the true self.
  • The only way to cure loneliness is to show up as oneself and build connection on that basis.
  • Relationships in the workplace are often CEO to employee, not person to person.
  • People admire public figures but may not be connected to the true person behind the image.
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Rising Rates of Loneliness

  • Studies show that people are becoming increasingly lonely.
  • The amount of people we have to turn to in a time of crisis has decayed over the last few decades.
  • Social media has made the world of social connection less social and more atomized.
  • Rising rates of social anxiety are downstream from people not spending enough time being social.
  • Kids are spending more time watching TV, on social media, and playing video games instead of playing outside.
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Causes of Loneliness

  • The optimization of our lives and the way we've built cities may contribute to loneliness.
  • People haven't developed the skills to connect with others and make friends.
  • Loneliness can be caused by a lack of social connections and intimacy among men.
  • There is an imbalance between men and women in terms of education and employment.
  • Personal factors such as shyness, anxiety, and depression can also contribute to loneliness.
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The Problem with Convenience

  • Optimization of our lives through screens
  • Convenience and enjoyment not always good for us
  • We are our own parents when it comes to social media and interaction
  • Pain of rejection is removed as much as possible
  • Online dating successful because it removes pain of rejection
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The Negative Impact of Dating Apps

  • Dating apps are convenient and enjoyable but not good for us
  • They have opened up more opportunities for people to meet potential partners
  • Sexlessness rates are at an all-time high among young people
  • One in three men between 18 and 30 hasn't had sex in the last year
  • 50% of men say they are not looking for a committed relationship
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The Changing Landscape of Relationships

  • More childless women at 30 than women with children
  • By 2040, 45% of 25 to 45-year-old women will be single and childless
  • Online dating not creating perfect facilitation for relationships to start
  • Being single is the right choice for some, but not most people
  • Number of close connections is the biggest predictor of health outcomes
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The Retreat from Relationships

  • Both men and women are retreating from relationships
  • People are finding ways to justify their retreat from relationships
  • Boss culture and lean in mentality for women
  • Men going their own way and in cell culture for men
  • Both sides of the aisle are retreating from relationships
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Female Achievement and Hypergamy

  • Female achievement in education and employment has increased significantly in the past 50 years.
  • There has been a swing in favor of women in universities, with two women for every one man at a four-year U.S college degree.
  • Women on average between the ages of 21 and 29 earn more than their male counterparts.
  • Women are more likely than men to value financial prospects in a partner.
  • Women are concerned about a partner's socioeconomic status significantly more than men.
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Education and Employment in Dating

  • A man with a master's degree on Tinder gets 90 more right swipes than a man with a bachelor's degree.
  • Hypergamy is the female tendency to date up and across, with women wanting to date a man who is as educated or employed as they are.
  • Women rising up through their own competence hierarchy in education and employment further shortens the potential pool of eligible men.
  • This causes a large group of men toward the bottom of the distribution to be essentially invisible to women.
  • A large number of women compete for an increasingly small group of turbocharged super performers at the top.
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Challenges in the Mating Market

  • Both men and women are finding it painful and difficult to be in the dating world.
  • Men lack social connections and intimacy.
  • Both sexes are casting off relationships altogether and retroactively coming up with explanations to justify it.
  • Imbalance between men and women in terms of education and employment is a main challenge in the mating market.
  • Women's achievement in education and employment causes challenges in their dating lives due to hypergamy.
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The Tall Girl Problem

  • On average, women want to date a man who is at least as tall or a little bit taller than they are.
  • As women rise up through their own competence hierarchy in education and employment, they further shorten down the potential pool of eligible men.
  • This causes a challenge known as the tall girl problem.
  • Women become more selective in their dating choices, leading to an imbalance in the mating market.
  • Men at the bottom of the distribution are essentially invisible to women, while a small group of super performers at the top have a wealth of options.
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Imbalance between Men and Women

  • A big group of men feel invisible and unneeded.
  • A big portion of women have achieved education and employment independence.
  • These women are chasing after a smaller group of men who are commitment-averse.
  • Men finding it difficult to keep it in their pants when there are many options on the table is a main driver of the problem.
  • The "tall girl problem" is a massive change in dating dynamics.
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Competition and Adversaries

  • The discourse posits men and women as adversaries and competitors.
  • This means that compassion is needed for both women and men.
  • Women who have achieved education and employment are competing with a growing cohort of women and a small cohort of men.
  • A huge cohort of sexless men exists, with 30% not having had sex in the last year and 50% not looking for a relationship.
  • The volume of the conversation needs to be turned down, and the challenges faced by both sexes need to be seen.
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