Why Modern Dating Feels So Awful - Alex DatePsych

The video is about the author's survey on risk aversion and its correlation with willingness to approach women. The author found an inverse correlation, meaning that people who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women. The author also discusses the primary fears that men have when approaching women, such as social rejection and social consequences. The author also discusses the ancestral basis for this fear, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe. The author also discusses the pickup artist communities' exposure therapy approach to overcoming approach anxiety. The author also discusses the difficulty of approaching women and the shame and pain that women may feel when they are rejected. The author also discusses the research on risk aversion in younger generations and how they may be more risk-averse than earlier generations.

This video by Chris Williamson was published on Nov 2, 2023.
Video length: 01:40:08.

The video is about the author's survey on risk aversion and its correlation with willingness to approach women.

The survey found that people who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women and have more fears about the potential consequences of doing so. The author also discusses the ancestral basis for this fear and how it has persisted in modern times. The author also talks about the pickup artist communities and how they have used exposure therapy to overcome approach anxiety. The author also discusses the pain and shame that women feel when they are rejected by men and how it is a violation of gender roles.

The author also talks about the research that shows that younger generations may be more risk-averse than earlier generations.

• The video is about the author's survey on risk aversion and its correlation with willingness to approach women.
• The author found an inverse correlation, meaning that people who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women.
• The author discusses the primary fears that men have when approaching women, such as social rejection and social consequences.
• The author discusses the ancestral basis for this fear, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.
• The author discusses the pickup artist communities' exposure therapy approach to overcoming approach anxiety.
• The author mentions that exposure therapy when people have phobias is reliable when trying to get rid of all manner of phobias.
• The author mentions that given that this is such a difficult one, the author asked about what it's like for a woman to approach a man and be rejected.
• The author mentions that it is super uncommon for men to get approached and it is a violation of those expected gender roles in a way that women will wait.
• Risk aversion is a pervasive syndrome that affects dating.

Why Modern Dating Feels So Awful - Alex DatePsych - YouTube

Section 1: Introduction

• The video is about the author's survey on risk aversion and its correlation with willingness to approach women.
• The author found an inverse correlation, meaning that people who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women.
• The author discusses the primary fears that men have when approaching women, such as social rejection and social consequences.
• The author discusses the ancestral basis for this fear, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.

Section 2: Risk Aversion and Approaching Women

• People who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women.
• The author found an inverse correlation between risk aversion and willingness to approach women.
• The author discusses the primary fears that men have when approaching women, such as social rejection and social consequences.
• The author discusses the ancestral basis for this fear, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.

Section 3: Pickup Artist Communities' Exposure Therapy Approach

• The author discusses the pickup artist communities' exposure therapy approach to overcoming approach anxiety.
• The author mentions that exposure therapy when people have phobias is reliable when trying to get rid of all manner of phobias.
• The author mentions that given that this is such a difficult one, the author asked about what it's like for a woman to approach a man and be rejected.
• The author mentions that it is super uncommon for men to get approached and it is a violation of those expected gender roles in a way that women will wait.

Why Modern Dating Feels So Awful - Alex DatePsych - YouTube

Section 4: Research on Risk Aversion in Younger Generations

• The author discusses the research on risk aversion in younger generations and how they may be more risk-averse than earlier generations.
• The author mentions that there is a lot of converging evidence on this, such as waiting later in life to take risks like getting a job, going to school, getting a driver's license, etc.
• The author mentions that this slow life strategy or extended adolescence explains an awful lot.
• The author mentions that the author and their co-host have been talking about this concept.

The Pervasiveness of Risk Aversion in Dating

• Risk aversion is a pervasive syndrome that affects dating.
• Dating is a game of risk remediation, where individuals must deal with the inevitable uncertainty of approaching someone they don't know.
• Rejection from someone when approaching them can feel like a world-ending catastrophe.
• Individuals higher in the dark Triad, such as psychopaths, have a higher tolerance for risk and may even seek it out.
• These individuals approach more aggressively and reap the rewards of their actions.

Statistics on Approaching Women

• 50% of men aged 18 to 30 have not approached a woman in the last year.
• More than half of men who have approached a woman have gotten a date from it.
• Long-term relationships are less common among men who approach women.
• Sex is more common among men who approach women than those who don't.
• Most men who approach women get dates, phone numbers, or romantic connections.

Approaching Women and Confidence

• Having a little bit more confidence in oneself can make the decision to approach women easier.
• There is a huge chunk of people who approach women that are just as unsure and terrified as the person making the decision.
• Approaching women can work and seems to be effective.
• Individuals with a higher internal locus of control, who are more agentic, tend to report fewer difficulties in dating.
• More agentic individuals in dating tend to do better.

Externalized Locus of Control and Incels

• Individuals with an external locus of control see the world as things just happening to them, while those with an internal locus of control believe they have control over their lives.
• William Costello's recent post about incels found a correlation between externalized locus of control and incels.
• People with an external locus of control tend to have more difficulties in dating.
• The biggest struggles with dating reported by survey respondents were fear of rejection and compatibility issues.

Section 1: Survey Results

• The survey found that 70% of women scored highly on a seven-point scale, with a Cohen D of about .6, indicating a medium-sized difference.
• Women scored higher in the physical attractiveness category, with a Cohen D of about .6 as well.
• Many women reported feeling sexual pressure and demand, as well as difficulty finding someone who was intellectually compatible.
• The survey results suggest that intellectual compatibility is an important factor in modern dating, but it is not well-defined or quantified.

Section 2: Ethnographic Research

• The author conducted ethnographic research by sitting and asking questions or overhearing conversations at Soho House, a research base for dating challenges.
• Many of the conversations the author overheard focused on men's intellectual and emotional immaturity.
• The author found that some women interpreted intellectual compatibility to mean someone who is interesting and can connect emotionally and intellectually.
• The author notes that cognitive abilities, such as understanding emotional states and predicting what others are thinking, are also important in intellectual compatibility.

Section 3: Intellectual Compatibility

• The author notes that intellectual compatibility is not well-defined or quantified, and that it is difficult to measure.
• The author suggests that intellectual compatibility is related to social cognition, including understanding emotional states and predicting what others are thinking.
• The author notes that being able to relate to someone emotionally and intellectually is important in intellectual compatibility.
• The author suggests that intellectual compatibility is not necessarily related to IQ or cognitive abilities, but rather to how well someone can connect with others.

Section 4: Relationships and Conversation

• The author notes that being in a committed relationship can lower the stakes and make rejection less likely.
• The author suggests that some of the chest-beating and peacock tail fluffing that men engage in to impress women may actually come across as less intellectually engaging.
• The author notes that fluency in conversation is related to intellectual compatibility.
• The author suggests that differences in intelligence, such as men scoring higher in spatial and women scoring higher in verbal intelligence, may play a role in intellectual compatibility.

Section 1: Overview of the Video

• The video is about the author's survey on risk aversion and its correlation with willingness to approach women.
• The author found an inverse correlation, meaning that people who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women.
• The author discusses the primary fears that men have when approaching women, such as social rejection and social consequences.
• The author discusses the ancestral basis for this fear, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.

Section 2: Risk Aversion and Approaching Women

• The author found an inverse correlation between risk aversion and willingness to approach women.
• People who are more risk-averse are less likely to approach women due to fear of social rejection and social consequences.
• The author suggests that this fear is based on ancestral evolution, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.

Section 3: Pickup Artist Communities

• The author discusses the pickup artist communities' exposure therapy approach to overcoming approach anxiety.
• The author suggests that this approach is effective in helping men overcome their fear of approaching women.

Section 4: Research on Risk Aversion in Younger Generations

• The author discusses research on risk aversion in younger generations and how they may be more risk-averse than earlier generations.
• The author suggests that this may be due to a variety of factors, including increased social media use and a focus on safety and security.

The Influence of Intellectual Compatibility on Dating

• The author found that 79% of women struggle to find someone intellectually compatible with them.
• The reason for this struggle is not fully understood, but it may be due to a lack of self-awareness or a belief that one is not meeting the criteria for intellectual compatibility.
• The author notes that the concept of intelligence, kindness, and humor being unimportant is a meme on the internet, but research suggests that these traits are actually important in dating.
• The author suggests that the philosophy derived from people on the fringes of society, such as those in incel forums, may not be representative of the majority of people.
• The author notes that the hierarchy of looks, money, and status may be important to some people, but it is not the only factor in dating.

The Importance of Looks in Dating

• The author notes that looks can be a threshold that must be met in order to be attractive to someone.
• The author suggests that looks are not the only factor in attractiveness, and that other qualities and criteria are also important.
• The author notes that women may have more variation in their ratings of attractive male faces than men do in their ratings of attractive female faces.
• The author suggests that men who are not physically attractive may still be attractive if they have other qualities and criteria that facilitate their attractiveness.
• The author notes that the concept of looks as a threshold is related to the idea of a bell curve, where increasing levels of attractiveness lead to exponential benefits.

The Role of Risk Aversion in Dating

• The author notes that people who are more risk-averse may be less willing to approach women.
• The author suggests that the primary fears that men have when approaching women are social rejection and social consequences.
• The author notes that the ancestral basis for this fear is that rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.
• The author suggests that the pickup artist communities' exposure therapy approach to overcoming approach anxiety may be effective.
• The author notes that women may also feel shame and pain when they are rejected.

The Research on Risk Aversion in Younger Generations

• The author notes that research on risk aversion in younger generations suggests that they may be more risk-averse than earlier generations.
• The author suggests that this may be due to a variety of factors, including increased safety and security in modern society.
• The author notes that this increased risk aversion may make it more difficult for people to take risks and approach others, including women.
• The author suggests that this may lead to a decrease in social interaction and a decrease in the ability to form meaningful relationships.
• The author notes that this increased risk aversion may also lead to a decrease in personal growth and development.

Section 1: Misconceptions about Online Dating

• Online dating apps are used to facilitate hookups.
• Most people use online dating to facilitate long-term relationships.
• Match rates for women are higher due to the imbalanced ratio of men on these apps.
• When looking beyond match rates, messages and people who report meeting from these dating apps show a close one-to-one ratio.
• Men have a strong orientation toward both casual sex and long-term relationships.

Section 2: Preferences in Online Dating

• Both men and women prefer attractive profiles, regardless of their own attractiveness.
• High-educated men prefer low-educated profiles as much as high-educated women prefer low-educated profiles.
• Women tend to want a man who is a little bit higher in status than they are.
• There are negative stereotypes associated with more educated women in modern times.
• Every standard deviation increase in a woman's IQ drops her chance of marriage by 35%, while the inverse is true for men.

Section 3: Divorce and Relationship Problems

• People with a higher level of education are less likely to get divorced and have relationship problems.
• Higher relationship satisfaction is associated with a higher level of education.

Section 4: Stereotypes and Negative Perceptions

• There are negative stereotypes associated with more educated women in modern times.
• People with a higher level of education are less likely to get divorced and have relationship problems.

Section 1: The Pressure to Skew Preferences

• The pressure to skew preferences around what is considered attractive in the modern environment is increasing.
• Both men and women are affected by this pressure.
• The imbalance between men and women is contributing to this pressure.
• The preferences of men and women may not necessarily align.
• The preferences of men and women may be influenced by factors such as education and wealth disparity.

Section 2: The Attractiveness of Men and Women

• The preference for a man with a similar level of education or more is attractive to women.
• The preference for a woman with a similar level of education or more is attractive to men.
• The wage gap has disappeared, and women are emerging with more education.
• The preferences of men and women may have to adjust to the new reality.
• The male concern about what women are looking for is a valid concern.

Section 3: The Study on Attractiveness

• Only one profile out of 100 was liked by more than 80% of women.
• Female variance for ratings of attractiveness is higher than male variance.
• Trying to find a face that threads the needle of 100 different women's preferences is impossible.
• The study found that only one profile out of 100 was liked by more than 80% of women.
• The study found that women agree less on what they find attractive.

Section 4: The Implications of the Study

• The study discourages people about dating apps.
• The study found that only one profile out of 100 was liked by more than 80% of women.
• The study found that women agree less on what they find attractive.
• The study found that the more a man leans into his nerdy look, the more extreme attraction results he got back.
• The study found that diluting down the more extreme sides of a man's physical appearance and the way he presents and talks about himself would have missed out on outsized returns in the mating market.

Section 1: Introduction

• The video is about the author's survey on risk aversion and its correlation with willingness to approach women.
• The author found an inverse correlation, meaning that people who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women.
• The author discusses the primary fears that men have when approaching women, such as social rejection and social consequences.
• The author discusses the ancestral basis for this fear, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.

Section 2: Risk Aversion and Approaching Women

• The author found an inverse correlation between risk aversion and willingness to approach women.
• People who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women.
• The author suggests that this is because rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.

Section 3: Fears of Approaching Women

• The author discusses the primary fears that men have when approaching women, such as social rejection and social consequences.
• The author suggests that these fears are based on the ancestral basis for rejection from women.

Section 4: Conclusion

• The author discusses the research on risk aversion in younger generations and how they may be more risk-averse than earlier generations.
• The author suggests that this could be due to the increased emphasis on safety and security in modern society.

Section 1: Physical Appearance and Cheating

• The author discusses the correlation between physical appearance and cheating in men.
• The author mentions that women often worry about their partners being unfaithful based on their physical appearance.
• The author notes that people who are in good physical condition are often perceived as less likely to cheat.
• The author suggests that physical appearance can be a hidden signal of a person's reliability and trustworthiness.
• The author notes that there is a difficulty in decoding the meaning of physical appearance, especially for those who are not familiar with the context.

Section 2: CrossFit and Bodybuilding

• The author discusses the allure of CrossFit athletes and how they are perceived as reliable and trustworthy.
• The author notes that CrossFit athletes are able to get into good physical condition while not appearing overly narcissistic or vain.
• The author suggests that the perception of CrossFit athletes as unmasculine or vain is part of the allure.
• The author notes that some people believe that men should not care too much about their appearance as a man.
• The author suggests that the perception of CrossFit athletes as reliable and trustworthy is due to their pursuit of a goal that they care about.

Section 3: Caloric Choice and Women's Preferences

• The author discusses a theory that suggests women prefer dadbods because of a caloric choice idea.
• The author notes that a man who is lean and in good physical condition may have more opportunities outside of his committed relationship and family.
• The author suggests that the resources have more different angles for a man who is lean and in good physical condition.
• The author notes that a man who is a dadbod may have more doorways of potential infidelity closed to him.
• The author suggests that the perception of dadbods as better dads is due to the fact that they are not spending their calories trying to chase after short-term mating opportunities.

Section 4: Long-Term vs. Short-Term Mate Selection

• The author discusses the contrast between long-term and short-term mate selection.
• The author notes that women have a strong orientation towards long-term relationships.
• The author suggests that women often express their preferences in the context of who they would like to have a relationship with.
• The author notes that women may select dadbods because they are thinking about a long-term relationship.
• The author suggests that the perception of dadbods as better dads is due to the fact that they are not spending their calories trying to chase after short-term mating opportunities.

Sexual Desire and Behavior

• There is a large sex difference in sexual desire, attitudes, and behaviors.
• Men have a higher libido, desire to have sex with more people, and seek more sexual variety.
• Research consistently indicates that men cheat more than women and respond to erotic images more strongly.
• The role of testosterone is significant, as it increases libido and causes a difference in sexual desire and behaviors.
• The implications of the libido gap are that men and women will engage in sexual behaviors differently, pursue them differently, and have different attitudes towards sex.

Sexual Fantasies and Body Count

• There is a big difference in desire for sexual variety, even in the context of erotica and women's fantasies.
• In sexual fantasies, men tend to cycle through multiple partners, while women often have a single protagonist throughout the story.
• Body count and sexual double standards are important factors in men's preferences for partners.
• Both men and women prefer a lower body count in partners of the opposite sex, with an ideal of two to three partners.
• People tend to be tolerant of higher body counts, with upwards of 20 partners for a man perceiving a woman and upwards of 40 for a man perceiving a woman.

Section 1: Overview of the Survey

• The survey was conducted to understand the relationship between risk aversion and willingness to approach women.
• The author found an inverse correlation, meaning that people who are more risk-averse are less willing to approach women.
• The survey also found that the primary fears that men have when approaching women are social rejection and social consequences.
• The author discusses the ancestral basis for this fear, as rejection from women could negatively impact a man's reputation and credibility within his tribe.

Watch the video on YouTube:
Why Modern Dating Feels So Awful - Alex DatePsych - YouTube